Cracks in Consciousness

Monday, January 11, 2016

Trick Questions

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “Life is simple. You just have to stop trying to figure it out.” Marty Rubin

Question: What do you do with a blue monster?

Answer: Cheer him up!

This is one of my favorite jokes, told to me by a former co-worker over 30 years ago. Obviously, I’ve never forgotten it.

Why? Because it cheers me up, every time, even when I’m not blue. And because it reminds me how easy it is to make things far more complicated than they really are or need to be. After all, the answer is pretty obvious, isn’t it? It’s not a trick question, but I’ve never found a single person who was able to answer it (including me).

(I also want to point out that this same co-worker told me another joke: Question: What’s orange and smells like carrots? Answer: Bunny farts. While rabbits are one of my most sacred animal guides, somehow bunny farts don’t lend themselves to thoughts about personal transformation. Although, I have to admit, I still think this joke is funny, too.)

Muhammad Yunus said, “Things are never as complicated as they seem. It is only our arrogance that prompts us to find unnecessarily complicated answers to simple problems.”

I’ve shared many times that I have a tendency to overcomplicate things. I like to think it’s a result of my natural abilities as a project manager and business process engineer, rather than arrogance. However, I’m pretty sure that there’s a healthy dose of that character flaw mixed into this as well.

I recently took one of those Facebook quizzes to determine what type of “seeker” I am. My results showed that I am a seeker of knowledge, that I need to know all answers to everything. NOW.

Clearly, I already knew this.

One other thing I already know is that, when we pass over to the Other Side, we will have access to the Akashic Records, which holds all knowledge of all things. The Akashic Records or "The Book of Life" can be equated to the universe's super computer system. It is this system that acts as the central storehouse of all information for every individual who has ever lived upon the earth. More than just a reservoir of events, the Akashic Records contain every deed, word, feeling, thought, and intent that has ever occurred at any time in the history of the world.

As a seeker of knowledge, I’m really looking forward to browsing this cosmic supercomputer because I have more than a few questions.

However, I must admit that there are times when I’d like to know the answer to some great mystery that I’m witnessing right now. Not only am I arrogant, I’m also impatient. So given that I plan on living many more years, and given that I am a seeker of all knowledge and wisdom, I’m afraid there are times when I can’t wait that long for the answer.

Take, for example, someone who drives well below the speed limit on a road with no passing lanes, but plenty of places to pull over—and a string of cars piled up behind, whose drivers are praying that the person will suddenly become enlightened, look in the rearview mirror, see all of us behind, and courteously PULL OVER.

These are times when I want to follow the person until they finally do pull over somewhere, park, and get out of their cars. I want to go up to that person and say, “I believe that, in the end, the Akashic records will be open to us and I will know the mysteries of all things. But given that I plan on living many more years, and given that I am a seeker of all knowledge and wisdom, I’m afraid I can’t wait that long. So let me ask you this: Why didn’t you simply pull over?”

This doesn’t seem like a trick question, does it? Perhaps some darker force is at work here? Somehow I doubt it.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth said, “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.” I might add, pull over when you’re holding everyone up.

And, don’t forget: the next blue monster you run into, just remember to cheer him up!

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s NEVER too late to be what you might have been!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Dance Moves

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot

Here’s your two-minute history lesson for the day: George Eliot was the male pen name of Mary Ann Evans (22 November 1819 – 22 December 1880). She was an English novelist, journalist, translator, and one of the leading writers of the Victorian era. She is the author of seven novels, including Adam Bede (1859), The Mill on the Floss (1860), Silas Marner (1861), Middlemarch (1872), and Daniel Deronda (1876), most of them set in provincial England and known for their realism and psychological insight. Middlemarch is considered one of the greatest novels in the English language. George Elliot used a male pen name to ensure her works would be taken seriously. Female authors were published under their own names during Eliot's life, but she wanted to escape the stereotype of women only writing lighthearted romances.

I first came across George Eliot while in college. I was an English major, and my plan was to become a college professor specializing in Victorian literature.

Fast-forward to now, and, clearly, I ended up on a different path (another story for another day).

But, I never forgot this quote. In fact, this sentiment has, over time, become my personal motto as well as my business’s tagline.

Next month, I turn 61. Cora Harvey Armstrong said, “Inside every older lady is a younger lady wondering what the hell happened.” Truer words were never spoken.

I remember my former mother-in-law once saying to me, “One day, you get up and leap out of bed, ready to begin the day’s events. Then, you suddenly notice that the only thing that has sprung out of bed is your boundless spirit. You look back and realize that your body is still lying there, trying to roll out of bed without groaning, and hoping not to fall over in the process.”

She and Cora must have been BFFs.

Bette Davis acidly observed, “Old age ain't no place for sissies.” I’d be lying if I told you that I disagreed with her. And, please, don’t try assuring me that 61 isn’t “old.” Try convincing my knees of that.

Of course, by now you’re probably wondering when the #ThoughtHealing part of this blog begins.

Hillel the Elder said, “I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing.”

On the cusp of 61, I totally get the “get up, walk, fall down” part. But, like Hillel, I try to focus on the dancing. Because it really IS never too late to learn a new step, acquire a new skill, pick up a new taste in literature, set a new goal. Cross off something on your bucket list—and then add three new things to it.

Maybe even become a college professor specializing in Victorian literature.

I keep a journal, plus I have a daily diary that I like to enter the little things in, like when the meadowlarks return each spring or when the first geese begin their annual migration in the fall. My current daily diary actually ends on January 1, 2017. On the first day of this new year, I turned to that page and wrote this, “My new life looks nothing like it did one year ago today (written on January 1, 2016).”

And while I don’t know quite yet what that will mean or how I might want to manifest it, I do know this: truer words were never spoken.

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s NEVER too late to be what you might have been!

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend… when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present — love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure — the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

Many years ago, I set out to plan a small but thoughtfully laid out garden in the front of my house. As you know, I’m a project manager by profession, so I approached this project in the same way as I tackled a multi-million dollar, multi-year technology infusion project: I evaluated my “current state” (the patch of brown waiting to be brought to life), I envisioned my “future state” (the beautifully crafted blooms that would flower year after year), and, most importantly, I developed my game plan for achieving my final solution that would no doubt one day be featured in Better Homes and Gardens (Western States edition).

I began by researching the best plants to include in my garden. I learned how to amend the soil; how to lay out everything in such a way as to take advantage of sunlight, runoff, and wind; and how to ensure that there would be adequate space between the plants to allow each one to spread out and up (all the while being sure not to plant anything on the dragon’s back, at least from a flowering feng shui perspective).

And so I excitedly bought all of my exhaustively researched plants, and I lovingly and thoughtfully placed each one according to the landscape blueprint I had equally lovingly and thoughtfully drawn up, every detail considered, every place on the dragon’s back plotted out. Now, all I had to do was sit back and marvel as my plans—and my plants—bore fruit and blossomed.

Even the most novice of gardeners knows that these things take time. There is an ebb and flow to the seasons; things grow and mature in their own time. Which means that, at least for the first couple of seasons, the garden might look a bit sparse. But, in time, everything will fill in exactly as planned.

As I said, I’m a planner, and a good one. I was confident that I had taken everything into account when I planned my project. And so I was willing to be patient and let things unfold as they were meant to.

Only, as it turned out, I had overlooked one factor that would ultimately spell disaster.

And that one factor was my husband.

Patience was not in his vocabulary. He thought the garden looked “too sparse,” and he was not willing to wait for it to fill in. He wanted what he wanted now (which, as it turned out, was his approach to pretty much everything, but that’s another story). So one day, unbeknownst to me (and while I was at work), he stopped by the local nursery and, explained this dire predicament to one of the salespeople. He then came home with what he was told would be the perfect addition to the garden, one that would fill in those artfully planned empty spaces quickly.

Which turned out to be Kentucky Bluegrass seed.

He happily spread that pernicious offender EVERYWHERE in my artfully planned garden. A former minor league baseball player with a wicked throwing arm, he applied himself with the precision of an outfielder gunning down the runner racing to steal home from third base. Nothing was left to chance—and no empty space was left untilled and unseeded.

How proud he was to show me the fruits of his labor when I got home. Not the brightest bulb, he didn’t realize for some time that I wasn’t exactly pleased with his effort. And so, for once, he decided to be patient and assured me that I would be happy with the results if I would just give it “a little time.”

(In truth, he was patiently waiting to tell me, “I told you so.”)

Sure enough, we did not have long to wait. The very next spring, my garden began to take shape. At least, I think it did. I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t see my little buds pushing up to sunlight because they were swallowed up by the JUNGLE of Kentucky Bluegrass that seemed to spring forth overnight.

And year after year, while some of my plants failed, and others seemed to thrive, I could always count on one thing that would never fail and would always thrive in my garden: That (insert various expletives here) Kentucky Bluegrass.

In time, I decided to once and for all eradicate my garden of all pernicious weeds, failures, and seasonal flops. I also eradicated my husband. (Told you so.)

But the one thing I’ve never been able to rid my garden of is that lousy bluegrass. Which in the spirit of the holidays, I came to think of as The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Every spring, when I see that bluegrass come to life (actually, it’s really more like the zombie plant in my garden because nothing can kill it and it’s the only thing that seems to stay green year-round), I’m reminded of my life BKB and AGKH: Before Kentucky Bluegrass and After Garden-Killing Husband. My life—like my thoughtfully and carefully planned garden—looks nothing like the landscape blueprint I thought my life would be those many years ago.

Marcel Proust said, “Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

And while I curse that bluegrass every spring, I also make a conscious choice to think of it as the best possible Gift That Keeps On Giving that I’ve ever received. It reminds me of many things: of how things can change when we least expect it; how our best laid plans can go awry; how what might at first seem to be the worst thing that could happen might, in time, turn out to be one of the best things.

So, as this year comes to an end, and you open your gifts this week, what gifts have you received that will keep on giving—and what gifts can YOU give to others so that you, too, will be a charming gardener?

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Monday, December 7, 2015

Inside (Looking) Out

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Harper Lee, “To Kill A Mockingbird”

I got a copy of my sister’s death certificate yesterday. Near the bottom, in box 25, “Immediate Cause,” there was space for up to four causes of death, preceded by this explanation: “Conditions if any which gave rise to immediate cause stating the underlying cause last.” Unfortunately, although not surprisingly, all four lines had an entry.

The first three were Cardiopulmonary Arrest, Acute Respiratory Failure, Severe Pulmonary Hypertension. No surprises here; Colleen had been diagnosed with Emphysema many years ago, and Severe Pulmonary Hypertension is often a result of this condition.

Then I noticed the last one, the one that the death certificate described as the underlying cause: Obesity-hypoventilation Syndrome. And I thought, “So, there it is, Colleen, you were right. Once again, it all comes down to your weight.”

Anne Lamott said, “Everyone is walking around as an advertisement for who he or she is.”

This bothers me. I want to argue with it, but I can’t. My own experience, and more importantly, that of my family, won’t allow me to.

Colleen used to joke about how people perceived her. You see, not only was she obese, she also had just two teeth. She’d say, “I know what people are thinking when they look at me: backwoods hillbilly who married her first cousin.” She also joked about her former cocaine use. She used to say, “It figures—everyone else who used cocaine looked like swizzle sticks, but what happened to me? I was probably the only overweight cocaine user on the planet.” (I would try to comfort her by pointing out that I was probably the only person who owned overweight GSDs in Colorado. Somehow, I don’t think this took much of the sting—or the stigma—away.)

When my oldest sister (now also passed) was in the middle of job hunting, she asked me to help her write her resume, which was very impressive, and cover letter. Job hunting is an experience that I know from recent personal experience is difficult in the best of circumstances.

As we were finishing up, she asked me this question: “Should I mention something about how I look in my cover letter?” This puzzled me. We all know the unwritten rules of writing resumes when you are “of a certain age”: never mention your age, when you graduated from college, your martial status, how many children you have—all of these can be off-putting to a hiring manager. But I hadn’t even thought about this before, and so I asked her why.

“Because whenever I get an actual face-to-face interview,” she replied matter of factly, “They take one look at me and I know I won’t get the job, no matter how qualified I am. So maybe I could mention that, despite my physical appearance, I’m capable, loyal, and dependable. And I’m healthy, no matter what they might think about how I look.”

You see, my sister was all of these things and more: capable, loyal, dependable, brilliant, beautiful—and she weighed over 300 pounds.

As it turned out, she didn’t include this in her cover letter, but she also didn’t get a face-to-face interview, so perhaps it would have been a moot point.

But I don’t think so. In fact, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have gotten the job.

Everyone has heard this well-worn statement by George Orwell (and its countless renderings for every condition under the sun), “I'm fat, but I'm thin inside... there's a thin man inside every fat man.”

I never asked either of my sisters whether they had thin alter egos. Whether it bothered them that what they were on the inside—kind, compassionate, gentle, forgiving—didn’t match what people chose to see on the outside. That, in fact, most people dismissed them entirely, or, even more reprehensible but still noticeable, that people were repelled by them.

I mean, think about it: you’re on a plane getting ready to depart. There’s an empty seat next to you—and a very large person coming down the aisle. Quick—what’s your first thought? “Please, oh please, don’t sit here.” It’s a common reaction. I’d be lying if I said I never had that thought myself.

But I’d also be lying if I didn’t point out how obvious our “don’t sit here” aversion is to the very large person coming down the aisle.

I know—because, like my sisters, I used to be one of those very large people, too.

“There are things visible and invisible,” Rumer Godden said.

It’s so easy to size someone up just by looking at what is visible—their size, their age, their gender, their height, the color of their hair. And maybe, for some, the outside matches the inside, their thin person has escaped and is now visible to the world.

But I suspect that, for most of us, there is something invisible inside each of us that has not yet been allowed to be seen. And what might it take for us to look past the visible in order to catch even a glimpse of what might be just below the surface, but so much more real.

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Anticipation Is A Double-Edged Sword

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “Expecting is the greatest impediment to living. In anticipation of tomorrow, it loses today.” Seneca

At this time of year, people spend a lot of time focusing on the future. What resolutions should I make for the coming year? What changes do I need to make in my health care enrollment for next year? How much money will I owe, or might I get back, when I file my taxes next year? What might the new year bring me? What might Santa bring me?

I certainly understand this “what’s next?” perspective.

Right now, I, too, am looking at several possibilities that might or will come to pass in the next several months.

It started when one of my psychic advisers told me that I would be facing a number of “significant crossroads” in the first three months of 2016.

Next, my health insurance expired yesterday, so I’m researching health exchanges to find affordable (I use this term skeptically) options for 2016.

I’m on a deposit list for a new GSD puppy that, with luck and a successful breeding, will be born sometime in February. And I’ve been on this list for over a year, so talk about anticipation!

I have my annual trip to Hawaii coming up at the end of January, so it’s time to finish making my remaining travel arrangements. (I don’t know about you, but I so miss the days when I could just call my father, who lived in Hawaii, tell him what time to pick me up at the airport, and board the next flight leaving for Oahu! Twenty-one day advance purchase? I remember when all you needed was about 21 minutes.)

Since I lived on a combination of unemployment benefits and taxable withdrawals from my IRA for most of this year, I’ve already run my taxes for 2016 to see how much I’m going to owe the IRS come April.

And, last but not least, I have been watching my email like a hawk since yesterday in anticipation of an announcement (no details can be shared right now) that will make a significant difference in how I live my life in the coming year.

So to say that, for today, I’m living in the future much more than in the present moment would be an understatement. So to what degree am I squandering the treasures of this moment in exchange for what may or may not occur in the future?

Now, I’m the first to admit that anticipation is a double-edged sword.

Samuel Smiles said, “An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality; our desires being often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing.”

This makes sense to me. After all, many of the things on the horizon for me are all about what I believe I am capable of, and I’m looking forward to the possibility of a new reality.

And let’s not forget one of the books I published this year, “Getting What You Wish For: A Short and Sweet Guide to Manifesting the Sweet Life”; this book focuses on how to activate the Law of Attraction and place into vibrational escrow the things you want to have, do, or be in your life. Caroline Kepnes described this best when she said, “And I will never again underestimate the power of anticipation. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation into the future.”

And so I precariously balance on that double-edge sword of anticipation and expectation: trying to be conscious of the blessings of the moment so that I don’t squander today while, at the same time, inviting a future that will manifest my desires.

(Not to mention, anticipating the joy of puppy kisses!)

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

3x5 Full of Gratitude

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” William Arthur Ward

I don’t know about you, but among the many things I’m grateful for are tools. Duct tape and an electric screwdriver are a homeowner’s best friend. A set of diamond drill bits are among this girl’s best friends. And, don’t even get me started on how much I love my Sawzall—no overgrown tree on my property is safe!

So whenever I start something new—a new job, a new book, a new DIY project—I look for the appropriate tools that will help me succeed.

We all know the saying, “Use the right tool for the right job.” Thomas Carlyle even went so far as to declare, “Man is a tool-using animal. Without tools, he is nothing. With tools, he is all.”

Look out Home Depot, here I come!

When I embarked on my sobriety journey, I approached this “project” in the same way: I looked for the tools I could use that would help me get sober and, more importantly, stay sober. Because, after all, what’s the point of building a barn only to have it fall down (or get locked in—see my previous blog about that debacle) because I used the wrong tools?

One of the most effective tools in the sobriety toolkit that I was handed was the Gratitude List.

“The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy, envy, frustration, and fear. When [these feelings] come, stop and count your blessings.” The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

A few weeks ago, I shared with you that, when I first got sober, these “greatest enemies” were the only feelings I recognized. So I knew right away that I would need a really powerful tool in my spiritual toolkit if I was going to have any hope at getting and staying sober. And that tool was the Gratitude List.

But exactly why is a Gratitude List so important?

Because when you are in the midst of emotionally paralyzing, negative feelings, you literally can’t think clearly. On the other hand, when you are in the midst of gratitude, you literally can’t conceive of negative emotions, let alone feel them. Or, as M.J. Ryan succinctly put it, “Whenever we are appreciative, we are filled with a sense of well-being and swept up by the feeling of joy.”

Now, because negative feelings can cloud clear thinking, recovering alcoholics are encouraged (actually, my AA sponsor DEMANDED) that we take the time to actually write down what we were most grateful for on a 3x5 card and keep the card with us at all times. That way, whenever the negative thoughts and emotions threatened our serenity or our sobriety, we could pull out that little card, read over everything we had written down, and remind ourselves of the many blessings we did have as a result of just not taking that one drink again.

And so I dutifully wrote down the things I was grateful for, and I kept my 3x5 index card always at the ready—and believe me, I pulled that little lifesaving tool out of my spiritual toolkit dozens of times in the first year of my sobriety, and lots of time since then.

Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. In addition, behavioral and psychological research has shown that giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, strengthens relationships, improves health, and reduces stress.

Wow—all that from one little 3x5 card? What’s not to be grateful for?

William A. Ward said, “God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?’”

On this Thanksgiving, do you think about what you are thankful for only on this one day? Or, does your practice of gratitude extend beyond a single day? And how might practicing gratitude and giving thanks for everything transform your “common days into thanksgivings” each and every day?

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Paris (Really) Is Burning

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “All we are saying is give peace a chance.” John Lennon

Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve talked about living an examined life—looking at our motivations, our feelings, our thoughts, and our beliefs in order to see what is at the heart of our true selves.

Given the tragedy in Paris, and throughout the world, over the last few days, this exercise takes on a very personal poignancy for me—and, perhaps, for some of you as well.

I’ve shared with you that I live a life of self-examination on a daily basis. That examination takes many forms, but it does not include examining what’s going on in the world. I don’t read the news. I don’t watch the news. I don’t listen to the news.

So if something is going on in the world, I usually hear about it on Facebook.

I don’t follow a lot of people on Facebook, and even fewer follow me. I have a handful of family and friends who have access to my personal page, and I have a public business page for my Cracks in Consciousness life coaching practice.

That said, given how few people and pages I actually do follow, I was dismayed (shocked? saddened?) by the number of people who posted these sentiments in response to the Paris catastrophe: “It’s time we blow up those F%%%%g A#####s!” “When are we’re going to stop putting up with this and just go after those B******s with guns blazing?”

Because I do not believe in self-delusion (or in deluding you, my readers), I have to admit that my initial, nearly unconscious reaction to these passionate exhortations was, “Amen, sisters and brothers!” I understand this reaction and why some people hold to this truth.

However, I then had a more conscious reaction to what I was reading. I thought, “But who exactly are we going to go after and blow up? A few zealots? A terrorist cell? A town? A country?”

I have no answers to these question nor can I offer solutions to the violence in this world. Solutions can only come from understanding, and I don’t understand what would compel someone to take the life of another human being in cold blood.

But here is something I do understand.

Yesterday was my sister’s 58th birthday. Or, rather, I should say, it would have been her 58th birthday. She passed away in September—on 9/11, to be exact. It is both heartbreaking and ironic to think that the anniversary of her passing—one of the gentlest, kindest souls ever to be on Earth—is now shared with the anniversary of one of the most horrible, violent events in America’s brief history.

Colleen absolutely loved, adored, and was passionate about all things Disney. To her, it was, without question, the happiest place on Earth.

In another irony, today is the 50th anniversary of the announcement of Walt Disney’s plans to build Walt Disney World in central Florida.

Colleen and I went to Walt Disney World several years ago while she was still fairly mobile and able to travel with only minor assistance. Despite the 95-degree weather and crushing humidity, we had a great time while we were there.

We planned a return trip for next month. However, over the last several months, it had become painfully obvious that Colleen’s health would no longer allow her to travel.

Unfortunately, Walt Disney died in 1966 before construction began on his Florida project. But his dream of creating happiness on Earth has never died, nor will my happy memories of the time I spent with my sister.

So what does any of this have to do with Paris?

In this excerpt from “Desiderata,” Max Erhmann said it best:

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

For me, it is this: Surely we can take this lesson to ourselves, and make peace and compassion the happiest place on earth.