Harnessing The Power of Permission

No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it. Richard Bach

For most of us, giving ourselves permission is challenging. For many reasons, we can’t or won’t allow ourselves to put ourselves first. Instead, we simply put one foot in front of the other and gut it out – and too often convince ourselves that this is “moving forward” with our lives.

Part generational, part genetic, part upbringing, there are many reasons why we never consider what we might really want or what might be in our best and highest interest. We simply do what we think, or believe, we have to do. We jump into a hole of our own making, we see the steep walls, and then we don’t even acknowledge that there might be a way out, let alone cry out for help.

But giving ourselves permission to willingly consider alternatives is the key to making some fundamental changes in our lives in order to manifest what we want to have, do, or be.

Willingness is a necessary precursor to taking action: you have to be willing to do something – or, at the very least, willing to try to do something – in order to truly keep moving forward.

When you give yourself permission to think about what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do, you free yourself to at least consider alternatives. Ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now might occur.

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rethink, to consider other possibilities, we crack open a door to our Higher Self – and our Higher Self, recognizing that the door has been cracked open, wedges a crowbar in to make sure that we consider a different way ahead.

And here’s why I know this to be true.

In September 2014, I found myself at a personal and professional crossroads. My 5-year contract with the government was due to expire, and it had become clear that my company was not going to re-compete it, meaning that all of us were going to be laid off.

Now, keep in mind that my expiring contract didn’t necessarily mean that I would be out of work. Typically, an expiring contract is awarded to another company, and the existing employees are offered positions with the new company (to ensure what is called “business continuity”). And so it was in my situation. I was confident that no matter which company won the contract, I would be offered a position (though at what salary or benefits was anyone’s guess), which was as sure a Sure Thing as it could possibly get in this day and age.

Truth be told, I had been unhappy for a long time in my job. But I was far more afraid of not having an income than I was of not being happy, and so choosing not to accept a position with the new company was, for me, no choice at all. I was just going to have to stay down in that hole and gut it out, just like I always had in the past and just like, I assumed, I always would in the future.

During the last two months of my employment, a couple of colleagues suggested that I read The Joy of Not Working by Ernie Zelinski. Actually, “suggested” doesn’t come close to the wild enthusiasm that they both had when gushing about this book.

Okay, I’m game, I thought. I could use a little joy in my life.

My first time reading through the book, I hated it. Actually, “hated” doesn’t come close to describing how I loathed, despised, and abominated the book. All I saw the first time through – that is, all I gave myself permission to see – was how so many of the testimonials included some reference to the large sums of money they had already saved, the inheritance they had just received, or the lottery ticket they found in a gutter that just happened to be the winning Powerball ticket, which gave them the financial means to take the unemployment plunge.

(Okay, I might be exaggerating a little. Maybe there weren’t any Powerball stories.)

And another thing I hated about the book was Zelinski’s tone: all gushy and “you too can have what I have,” and ain’t life grand. I was reminded of something that Anne Lamott said in her book, Bird by Bird: “I once asked Ethan Canin to tell me the most valuable thing he knew about writing, and without hesitation he said, ‘Nothing is as important as a likable narrator.’”

I saw nothing likable about Ernie. (I decided to be on a first name basis with Ernie; after all, if you’re going to dislike someone, it’s personal and rather chummy, like being on a first name basis.)

But then I thought about another quote from Kristin Hannah’s book, The Nightingale: “Don’t think about who they are. Think about who you are and what sacrifices you can live with and what will break you.” And I thought about how unhappy I was, and I realized that I was sacrificing everything that mattered to me just out of fear and for the sake of a paycheck. And this time I gave myself permission to acknowledge that staying with my current job would be my breaking point. As a result, I chose to walk away from my six-figure salary, health benefits, and employee discounts, and instead accept the layoff, a meager 3-week severance check, a small vacation payout, 26 weeks of unemployment benefits, and an unknown job market – and when I say “walk,” I mean I ran.

Giving ourselves permission is the key to personal transformation. Nothing more and nothing less. Permission to acknowledge our A-ha moments, wake-up calls, and the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical toll that our current circumstances are taking. Permission to consider alternatives. Permission to let go. Permission to say Yes to a new path and a different direction. Permission to say Yes to ourselves.

In her book Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott said, “If you start to look around, you will start to see.” In order to crack open that door to your Higher Self, you need to spend some time figuring out what it means to give yourself permission in terms of your own personal transformation and reinvention. Once you can delve deeply into the concept of permission, you will be able to recognize the impact it can have, not only on your reinvention journey but on your entire life!

Interested in learning more about personal transformation and how to harness the power of permission? Check out my latest book, I’ve Been Down Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out: Curing The No Way Out Syndrome, available now on Amazon!