The Knowledge of Alternatives

#ThoughtHealing Quote For The Week: “You always have a choice.” Nicolas Lore

I have a friend who lives by this philosophy. Whenever I talk (okay, whine) about decisions I’ve made in the past, her response to me always is, “It was your choice, remember.”

I HATE it when she says that.

But I also know that she’s right. It was my choice. I always have a choice.

Knowing that I have options is essential to my peace of mind and spiritual wellbeing. Having options means the difference between seeing a way ahead—or a way out—or staying in those deep holes that I have, on occasion, fallen into.

Have you ever asked yourself, “If I didn’t have to worry about the outcome, what would I let myself think about? What options might I have? What choices would I make?” 

Giving yourself permission to consider all of your choices is the key to getting from where you are to where you want to be. When you give yourself permission to think about what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do, you free yourself to at least consider alternatives. Ideas that might not have occurred to you in a million years now might occur.

Maya Angelou wrote, “In order to avoid this bitter end, we have to be reborn again, and born with the knowledge of alternatives.”

Have you been avoiding looking at alternatives? Have you been trying to not look in the mirror and see what is true? Or are you ready to let yourself be reborn again with the knowledge of alternatives?

It’s your choice.

Think about it!

Want to learn more about the power of alternatives? Read my blog, "Singing Lesson," for a simple exercise that can show you how to open the door to your options whether you’re at a crossroads now or find yourself at one in the future.

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

The Fruits of Our Labor

#ThoughtHealing Quote For The Week: “Genius begins great works; labor alone finishes them.” Joseph Joubert

When it comes to transforming your life, knowing where you want to be (the genius component) and what you must do to get there (the labor component) are essential critical success factors.

Once you know where you’re going, do you set off with purpose, moving ever forward, keeping up your momentum, and sticking resolutely to finishing each task? Or, are you easily distracted, wandering here and there, not paying much attention to where you are and whether you’re doing the work that needs to be done?

I don’t know about you, but I have a mean lazy streak. Which is hard to imagine, given I am also incredibly disciplined and self-motivated.

Most of us have an Achilles heel of our own devising that keeps us from doing what it takes to finish the tasks that are essential to achieving our goals.

For us, then, we must rely on our genius to help us figure out what might be keeping us from “the doing.” Is it the fear of failure or, perhaps, the fear of success?

You also need to discover what resources, emotions, or experiences you can draw upon to help you overcome the inertia. Then, get back to work and finish what you started!

Michelangelo Buonarroti said, “If you knew how much work went into it, you wouldn’t call it genius.”

In honor of this Labor Day, take a moment to reflect on what you’ve begun and on what needs to be done. Are you still waiting to enjoy the fruits of your labor?

Think about it!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Maybe We Do Not Speak Of It

Thought Healing Quote for the Week: “The landscapes of all our lives become as full of craters as the surface of the moon. And I write my obituaries carefully and think about how little the facts suffice, not only to describe the dead but to tell what they mean to the living all the rest of our lives. We are defined by who we have lost.” Excerpted from “Maybe We Do Not Speak Of It,” “Help Yourself” Staff Writers, Rocky Mountain News, 2001

I borrow my quote this week from the Rocky Mountain News staff writers, who wrote about loss, grief, and the “awful leisure [that] the living have after death” following the 9/11 tragedy in 2001.

This past Friday, 9/11, marked the 14th anniversary of a dark and sad day in the lives of countless people, not just in America, but around the world.

And now, 9/11 will forever be another anniversary for me: the passing of my beloved sister, Colleen Graham, who crossed over to the Other Side in the wee hours of the morning.

And if it is true that we are defined by who we have lost, then I will also forever be a better person because of who she was in my life.

Who has defined you?

Think about it!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Singing Lessons

In order to avoid this bitter end, we have to be reborn again, and born with the knowledge of alternatives” “I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings,” Maya Angelou

Have you heard of the story titled, “The Horse Might Sing”? There are many different versions, but my favorite goes like this:

Nasrudin was caught in the act of stealing and sentenced to die. Hauled up before the king, he was asked by the Royal Presence: “Is there any reason at all why I shouldn't take your head off right now?” To which he replied: “Oh, King, live forever! Know that I, the mullah Nasrudin, am the greatest teacher in your kingdom, and it would surely be a waste to kill such a great teacher. So skilled am I that I could even teach your favorite horse to sing, given a year to work on it.” The king was amused, and said: “Very well then, you move into the stable immediately, and if the horse isn’t singing a year from now, we'll think of something interesting to do with you.”

As Nasrudin was returning to his cell to pick up his spare rags, his cellmate remonstrated with him: “Now that was really foolish. You know you can’t teach that horse to sing, no matter how long you try.” Nasrudin's response: “Not at all. I have a year now that I didn’t have before. And a lot of things can happen in a year. The king might die. The horse might die. I might die. And, who knows? Maybe the horse will sing.”

I love this story. It’s a message about hope, a reminder that anything is possible, that there are always options.

For me, having the “knowledge of alternatives” is incredibly powerful. Over the years, knowing that I had options has been essential to me; having options means the difference between seeing a way ahead—or a way out—or staying in those deep holes that I have, on occasion, fallen into.

Giving ourselves permission to willingly consider alternatives is the key to getting from where you are to where you want to be. Willingness is a necessary precursor to taking action: you have to be willing to do something—or, at the very least, willing to try to do something—in order to keep moving forward.

It's the Same Old Song

All their lives they did what had to be done, and didn’t bother daydreaming about alternative lives because they never expected to be free enough to have a choice. I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was, Barbara Sher

Have you ever wondered how some people can willingly walk away from what they know to embark on a journey into a future that isn’t even defined? Do you marvel at people who recklessly go out on a limb—and intentionally saw themselves off? Have you said to yourself, “I could never do that in a million years!”

But then secretly, and maybe a little wistfully, whispered to yourself, “But if I only knew how they did it, maybe I could do it too”?

Most people rarely, if ever, question the path they’re on. They put one foot in front of the other and simply keep moving forward. Part generational, part genetic, part upbringing or culture, there are many reasons why we never consider what we might really want or what might be in our best and highest interest. We simply do what we think, or believe, we have to do.

When thinking about our lives, most of us do what I call “snapshotting”: We see our lives in a certain way, like a photo, and we freeze it at that moment. We look through the lens, we frame the image in the way that is most pleasing to us, and we capture that perception. We like the results, and so we leave it as is.

Then something happens that either allows us or forces us to change our perception of the image, and we are faced with a decision: either keep the image as is or look at the image in a different way, to frame the external situation or event to match our new, internal perceptions. We find ourselves at a crossroads where the same choices and the same decisions no longer serve us.

The definition of crossroads is “the place where roads intersect or a place at which a vital decision must be made.”

This definition has two significant elements.

First, a crossroads involves options: this road or that road, this way or that, this direction or that.

Second, a crossroads implies that we are intended to select one of the options available to us: we turn left instead of right; we take the shady path rather than the sunny one, the uphill climb rather than the downhill stroll. Otherwise, we are at a standstill.

When we come to a crossroads in our lives, seeing all of the possible roads we can take and all of the options that are available to us can certainly be overwhelming and scary. But it can also be a golden opportunity to make some fundamental changes in our lives. It can mark a turning point in how we live our lives.

The Music of the Spheres

I sing like I feel. Ella Fitzgerald

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rethink, to consider other possibilities, we crack open a door to our Higher Self—and our Higher Self, recognizing that the door has been cracked open, wedges a crowbar in to make sure that we consider a different way ahead.

In order to crack open that door to your Higher Self, you need to give yourself permission to think about alternatives: what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do. When you free yourself to at least consider alternatives, ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now may occur.

Here is a simple exercise for learning how to open the door to your options. You can use this exercise whether you’re at a crossroads now or find yourself at that “place at which a vital decision must be made” in the future.

1.  Open a new page in your journal, notebook, or computer file.

2.  At the top of the page, write: What Does “Opening the Door to Your Options” Mean to Me?

3.  Write down words, phrases, and feelings about the concept of opening the door to options. If you do only one step in this exercise, do this one. Understanding how you feel about the concept of having options in your life is a necessary precursor to acquiring the knowledge of alternatives. And be honest! If allowing yourself to consider options makes you uncomfortable, you need to acknowledge this as well as the reasons for your sense of “dis-ease.”

4.  Next, thinking about your life now, are you at a crossroads or at a place where you need to make a vital decision? If so, describe the place and the options that you believe you have.

5.  Looking at the crossroads you said you’re at in step 4, are there any options that you believe you don’t have because of the possible consequences or outcomes, whether real or imagined? If so, write these down.

6.  Looking again at the crossroads you said you’re at in step 4, are there any options that you’d be willing to do or at least try to do if you weren’t afraid of the consequences, whether real or imagined? If so, write these down. 

Not allowing yourself to get caught up in possible consequences or outcomes is an essential component of learning to open yourself to options. If we think we know what will happen because of something we will or might do, the steps we take, whether consciously or unconsciously, often become a self-fulfilling prophecy: we make it happen because we assume it’s going to happen anyway. In her book, After Shock: What to Do When the Doctor Gives You—or Someone You Love—a Devastating Diagnosis, Jessie Gruman describes this tendency like this: “It is the fear of the unknown that paralyzes. You can acknowledge the possibilities and know where you might go. It doesn’t mean that you are fatalistic and it doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen.”

Learning to Sing Your Own Song

Have you been avoiding looking at alternatives? Have you been trying to not look in the mirror and see what is true? Have you ever asked yourself, “If I didn’t have to worry about the outcome, what would I let myself think about? What options might I have? What choices would I make?”

Are you like the servant in the story about the singing horse? Do you wring your hands over the worst that might happen? Do you see the bitter end in your endeavors as something than cannot be avoided?

Or are you like Nasrudin—ever hopeful, confident in the knowledge that a thousand things might happen before anything might come to pass?

In her book Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott said, “If you start to look around, you will start to see.” If you desire to be reborn with the knowledge of alternatives, let your eyes and your heart see all of the possibilities around you!

Interested in knowing more about how the knowledge of alternatives can transform your life? Then check out any of the books in my Examine – Envision – Emerge© Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book examines the power of thought healing from a unique perspective—and opening yourself to options is a key element in getting from where you are to where you want to be! Available in print and Kindle formats on Amazon and as ebooks from your favorite retailer now!

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Harnessing The Power of Permission

No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it. Richard Bach

For most of us, giving ourselves permission is challenging. For many reasons, we can’t or won’t allow ourselves to put ourselves first. Instead, we simply put one foot in front of the other and gut it out – and too often convince ourselves that this is “moving forward” with our lives.

Part generational, part genetic, part upbringing, there are many reasons why we never consider what we might really want or what might be in our best and highest interest. We simply do what we think, or believe, we have to do. We jump into a hole of our own making, we see the steep walls, and then we don’t even acknowledge that there might be a way out, let alone cry out for help.

But giving ourselves permission to willingly consider alternatives is the key to making some fundamental changes in our lives in order to manifest what we want to have, do, or be.

Willingness is a necessary precursor to taking action: you have to be willing to do something – or, at the very least, willing to try to do something – in order to truly keep moving forward.

When you give yourself permission to think about what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do, you free yourself to at least consider alternatives. Ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now might occur.

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rethink, to consider other possibilities, we crack open a door to our Higher Self – and our Higher Self, recognizing that the door has been cracked open, wedges a crowbar in to make sure that we consider a different way ahead.

And here’s why I know this to be true.

In September 2014, I found myself at a personal and professional crossroads. My 5-year contract with the government was due to expire, and it had become clear that my company was not going to re-compete it, meaning that all of us were going to be laid off.

Now, keep in mind that my expiring contract didn’t necessarily mean that I would be out of work. Typically, an expiring contract is awarded to another company, and the existing employees are offered positions with the new company (to ensure what is called “business continuity”). And so it was in my situation. I was confident that no matter which company won the contract, I would be offered a position (though at what salary or benefits was anyone’s guess), which was as sure a Sure Thing as it could possibly get in this day and age.

Truth be told, I had been unhappy for a long time in my job. But I was far more afraid of not having an income than I was of not being happy, and so choosing not to accept a position with the new company was, for me, no choice at all. I was just going to have to stay down in that hole and gut it out, just like I always had in the past and just like, I assumed, I always would in the future.

During the last two months of my employment, a couple of colleagues suggested that I read The Joy of Not Working by Ernie Zelinski. Actually, “suggested” doesn’t come close to the wild enthusiasm that they both had when gushing about this book.

Okay, I’m game, I thought. I could use a little joy in my life.

My first time reading through the book, I hated it. Actually, “hated” doesn’t come close to describing how I loathed, despised, and abominated the book. All I saw the first time through – that is, all I gave myself permission to see – was how so many of the testimonials included some reference to the large sums of money they had already saved, the inheritance they had just received, or the lottery ticket they found in a gutter that just happened to be the winning Powerball ticket, which gave them the financial means to take the unemployment plunge.

(Okay, I might be exaggerating a little. Maybe there weren’t any Powerball stories.)

And another thing I hated about the book was Zelinski’s tone: all gushy and “you too can have what I have,” and ain’t life grand. I was reminded of something that Anne Lamott said in her book, Bird by Bird: “I once asked Ethan Canin to tell me the most valuable thing he knew about writing, and without hesitation he said, ‘Nothing is as important as a likable narrator.’”

I saw nothing likable about Ernie. (I decided to be on a first name basis with Ernie; after all, if you’re going to dislike someone, it’s personal and rather chummy, like being on a first name basis.)

But then I thought about another quote from Kristin Hannah’s book, The Nightingale: “Don’t think about who they are. Think about who you are and what sacrifices you can live with and what will break you.” And I thought about how unhappy I was, and I realized that I was sacrificing everything that mattered to me just out of fear and for the sake of a paycheck. And this time I gave myself permission to acknowledge that staying with my current job would be my breaking point. As a result, I chose to walk away from my six-figure salary, health benefits, and employee discounts, and instead accept the layoff, a meager 3-week severance check, a small vacation payout, 26 weeks of unemployment benefits, and an unknown job market – and when I say “walk,” I mean I ran.

Giving ourselves permission is the key to personal transformation. Nothing more and nothing less. Permission to acknowledge our A-ha moments, wake-up calls, and the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical toll that our current circumstances are taking. Permission to consider alternatives. Permission to let go. Permission to say Yes to a new path and a different direction. Permission to say Yes to ourselves.

In her book Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott said, “If you start to look around, you will start to see.” In order to crack open that door to your Higher Self, you need to spend some time figuring out what it means to give yourself permission in terms of your own personal transformation and reinvention. Once you can delve deeply into the concept of permission, you will be able to recognize the impact it can have, not only on your reinvention journey but on your entire life!

Interested in learning more about personal transformation and how to harness the power of permission? Check out my latest book, I’ve Been Down Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out: Curing The No Way Out Syndrome, available now on Amazon!

Everything I Needed To Know About Transforming My Life I Learned By Accidentally Locking Myself In The Barn

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. Flora Whittemore

January First. New Years Day.

A day of possibilities. We close the door on the past year. We look forward to the coming year.

And so it was with me in 2005.

I began the day by closing the door not only on the past year but on the last 20 years of my life as well: I was packing up the rest of the things that belonged to my about-to-be ex husband who had moved out two months before.

And I was looking forward to the coming year, and the rest of my life, with a little fear but also with lots of hope and excitement!

I had been packing up my husband’s things for a few weeks now. And, whenever I had a few boxes for him to pick up, I’d leave them down in the barn so he could retrieve them when I was at work (and to ensure that he would never darken my door again).

On this day, New Years Day, 2005, I packed up the rest of his tools, loaded the toolbox and the dogs into the car, and drove down to the barn, which is about 2 acres behind my house, and about 3 acres away from my nearest neighbor’s house.

Let’s be clear about one thing: to call this structure a “barn” is probably a stretch. It’s really just a big storage shed. The walls and the doors are 4-foot by 8-foot plywood boards. The roof is corrugated metal tacked onto the plywood walls.

I don’t have horses or any kind of livestock. Which means that I’ve never actually used the barn to stable anything other than some boxes and suitcases. Which also means that there’s no water or electricity. Plus, there are windows but they’re boarded up with pieces of plywood.

So I drive down to the barn, let the dogs out of the car, grab the toolbox, and go to open the barn door.

Again, calling this a barn door is another stretch, just like the rest of the barn. It’s just one 4-foot by 8-foot piece of plywood. It’s attached to the barn by two gate hinges, and there’s a big gate latch on the outside that keeps the door closed.

Now, because the door is pretty big and just attached with two gate hinges, if you want to keep the door open, you have prop it open with a big piece of concrete.

But on this day, I wasn’t planning on staying in the barn. I just had to swing the door open, drop the toolbox inside, and drive back to the house to enjoy the rest of the day and begin planning my future life. Easy!

I drop the toolbox on the ground. I unlatch the door and swing it open just enough for the dogs to run in excitedly and sniff around. With my one hand on the door, I pick up the toolbox with my other hand, step into the barn, and lean down to place the toolbox on the ground.

As I lean over, the hand I’m holding the door open with comes off the door ever so slightly. As I turn around to catch the door before it swings shut, I hear this big WHHOOSH, a huge gust of wind sweeps by, I hear a big BANG, the barn door slams shut. And then I hear a quieter but more ominous sound – the gate latch on the outside of the door locks neatly and securely into place.

I am now trapped in a dark, empty barn 3 acres away from my nearest neighbor on New Years Day. No electricity, no water – and no cell phone because I wasn’t planning on staying down at the barn so it didn’t occur to me to bring it along.

And for all intents and purposes, there is No Way Out.

Which means that my life passes before my eyes because clearly, I’m probably going to perish out in this barn before anyone comes to rescue me.

And as the darkness closes around me, I think of another barn story because, after all, there isn’t much else to do while you’re locked in a barn with No Way Out. Some of you might have heard this story. It goes like this:

The Emperor’s Master of Horse, Nasrudin, is caught in the act of stealing and sentenced to die. Hauled up before the Emperor, he is asked by the Royal Presence: “Is there any reason why I shouldn’t take your head off right now?” To which Nasrudin replies: “Oh, Mighty Emperor! Know that I, the Horse Master, Nasrudin, am the greatest teacher in your kingdom, and it would surely be a waste to kill such a great teacher. So skilled am I that I could even teach your favorite horse to sing. Give me one year to prove myself worthy of your mercy.” The Emperor is amused. After all, who wouldn’t want a singing horse? And so he says to Nasrudin, “Very well Horse Master, you may have one year. But I warn you: if the horse isn’t singing one year from now, you will be executed!”

So Nasrudin returns to the barn, where he is instantly accosted by his terrified assistant. “How could you be so rash?” he shouts. “You know you can’t teach that horse to sing, no matter how long you try.” But Nasrudin replies, “Do not be afraid. Anything is possible. Now I have an entire year that I didn’t have before. And a lot of things can happen in a year. The king might die. I might die. The horse might die. And, who knows? Maybe the horse will sing.”

I love this story. It’s a message about hope, a reminder that anything is possible and that there are always options. When you give yourself permission to think about what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do, you free yourself to at least consider alternatives. Ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now might occur.

Which means that for me, as with Nasrudin, I do have options. I might be trapped in a barn but that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s No Way Out. I just have to take stock of my surroundings, and then I need to let myself see what my options might be.

So, now that my eyes are beginning to adjust to the darkness, I realize I have several options.

Option #1: I can do nothing. It may seem paradoxical but doing nothing is always an option. However, sometimes there are consequences even for “non-action,” and, in this case, the consequence could be dire indeed if no one finds me. Plus, my dogs are starting to whimper and whine, so clearly they don’t think much of this option either.

Option #2: I can scream for help. Of course, my barn is 3 acres away from my nearest neighbor. Plus, it’s New Years Day, and it’s unlikely that any of my neighbors are even awake yet, let alone out near my barn. It’s an option but probably not my best option.

Option #3. I could run at the barn door with all my might and hope to break the lock. Of course, it might take a few tries before I actually succeed in breaking the lock, during which time I would probably also break both of my shoulders and one or both legs, in which case, I won’t be able to crawl back to the car, let alone drive myself to the hospital. I’m reminded of something that Coco Chanel once said, “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” Sounds like she might have locked herself in a barn once too, and she’s letting me know that, while this is an option, it probably isn’t in my best interest either.

Option #4. Because the roof isn’t nailed down securely, I can see patches of daylight in some spots. And since I’m using the barn as a storage shed for lots of boxes and suitcases, I could pile everything up like a ladder, climb up, and try to push the roof away from the wall enough for me to shimmy out and drop to the ground. But since it’s about an 8-foot drop, we’re looking at that whole “break my shoulders and my legs” outcome again, so this doesn’t seem to be my best option either.

Things are beginning to look bleak indeed if these are my only options. So not wanting to perish in a barn, I continue to take stock, and, looking around once more, I notice the boarded-up window.

Aha – Another Option!

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. Andy Rooney

I know that there’s no glass I have to break through because, as you recall, I never put the windows in. I just need to remove the plywood board that’s nailed over the opening. But how am I going to do that? I don’t have any tools.

Hang on a minute. I DO have tools – a bunch of tools. Which is why I have managed to stupidly lock myself in the barn in the first place!

So, I open up the tool box, take out the biggest hammer I can find, pry out the nails, swing open the panel, climb up to the window, swing my legs out, and proceed to drop gracefully to the ground, which is about 7 feet below, managing to only scrape my arm and pull most of the muscles in my upper body in my fall from grace. I brush myself off, look around sheepishly to make sure that no one has seen me, go back around to the barn door, and open it to let my dogs out.

Dr. Christiane Northrup said this: “Our souls design many potent wake-up calls to get our attention back on track.” And on this New Years Day of new beginnings, I realize that everything I need to know about healing my thoughts and transforming my life I’ve learned by accidentally locking myself in the barn.

And at the heart of my wake-up call is a simple three-step process that anyone can use whenever we want to let go of limiting thoughts and beliefs so we can move from where we are to where we want to be:

Step 1. Examine.

Step 2. Envision.

Step 3. Emerge.

Step #1: Examine. You take stock of where you are now WITHOUT JUDGMENT.

What was the first thing I did when I realized I was locked in the barn (other than thinking about how stupid I was in the first place and then watching my life pass in front of me)?

I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Then I took stock: I examined what was IN the barn that I might be able to use to get OUT of the barn.

To know where you want to go and determine how to get there, you have to start with determining where you are right now. Your ability to be aware of your situation, your thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, feelings, and fears nonjudgmentally is a vital first step in getting from where you are now to where you want to be.

Step #2: Envision. You visualize all of your options and what the outcome might be for each option.

Once I took stock of my surroundings and my situation, what did I do next? I started to see that I did in fact have options, and I pictured the possible outcomes for each one: 

• I could do nothing – and wind up dead, or at the very least, deaf as a result of my dogs screeching in my ears (those of you who own German Shepherds know exactly what I’m talking about).
• I could scream – and wind up hoarse and probably still trapped in the barn.
• I could try to break down the doors – and possibly break one or more bones.
• I could try to break out through the roof – and possibly break both of my legs.
• I could pry the board off the window and climb out – possibly hurting myself in the fall.

All of these options were possible. Not all of them were in my best interest. But all of them were possible.

The author Anne Lamott said this: “If you start to look around, you will start to see.”

If you’re going to change your thoughts and transform your life, you need to give yourself permission to see. See your options. See the outcomes. See what’s holding you back, what might be keeping you in the barn. See the tools that are available to you. Envision the way out.

Step #3: Emerge. You take action towards whatever you decide is in your best and highest interest.

After I considered all of my options, I decided that my best course of action was to escape through the window. And what did I do to literally emerge from that barn?

• I found the tools I needed to pry off the board.
• I hoisted myself up onto the window ledge.
• I dropped down to the ground on the other side.

You have to take action to manifest new truths using your own inner guidance system that knows what’s best for you and can support you to be on purpose in your life. You want to transform the limiting thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you and let your limitless possibilities emerge.

The most influential part of a mindset are the beliefs you hold true. Myrko Thum

Limiting beliefs can seriously hold us back in life. But most of the time such beliefs are invisible to us; our eyes have not adjusted to the darkness. They control behaviors behind the scenes, enough to curtail our results in some area of life.

Limiting beliefs can block you from taking certain actions, even though the actions may be reasonable and intelligent choices. The first thing that crossed my mind when I was in the barn was to do nothing. I could have done nothing, in the hopes that eventually someone might realize that they hadn’t heard from me in a while, and then someone might have come out to investigate. But this non-action would not have been reasonable or intelligent.

Limiting beliefs stop you from achieving your full potential. Limiting beliefs serve as filters of your reality. when you get a limiting belief, your life loses its richness because you are not able to perceive it correctly.

You cannot ascend to your highest energetic levels until you release your limiting thoughts, beliefs, and life patterns that inadvertently create dis-ease and keep you from moving from where you are to where you want to be. Moving to a place of illumination, personal growth, and potential starts with gaining clarity, enabling more meaningful choices and consistent action. You need to examine your current thoughts, open up what I call “cracks in consciousness” to see your thoughts in a new way, and then to create new thoughts based on your own personal truth.

Dr. Michael Smith said this: “You are the one who finds your way out and you will.” It may take some time to uncover your limiting thoughts and beliefs, but it will be time well spent. The quality of your life depends on it. Spend some time now uncovering and eliminating them and you will improve your life experience to a great extent. Remember that you have an absolute freedom to choose the way you want to live and you can choose your own beliefs and ways to behave. And it is in this healing process that you will find the ability to transform your life!

Want to learn more about overcoming the No Way Out Syndrome? Read my latest book, “I’ve Been Down Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out: Curing The No Way Out Syndrome” available in time for the Summer Solstice on Amazon! A great summer read for the first day of summer! This book is for anyone who wants to embark on their own reinvention journey, using the inspiration, guidance, strategies, and personal transformation tips and tricks in this book. It’s your personal roadmap to seeing the way out of any hole you might be in, scaling those steep walls, and curing the No Way Out syndrome once and for all!

Anything Is Possible

If you truly want to change your life, you must first be willing to change your mind. Donald Altman, The Mindfulness Code ©2010

You know how some people seem to be better at handling change than others? Most of us know at least one person who has successfully made a major change in their lives, like quitting smoking, losing weight, or even walking away from their “Sure Thing” job. Then there are the rest of us – and maybe you count yourself among these people —who give up the minute it gets tough.

Whether it’s a change in your job, health, family, relationships, or life in general, transitions are an inevitable part of life. However, most people don’t like change. For many of us, change can be difficult or uncomfortable. This is true regardless of whether the change is forced upon us, planned, unexpected, or self-created. Why? Because we are giving up familiarity in exchange for the unfamiliar and unknown.

But the good news is that anyone can learn to deal more effectively with change, and face their fears, by doing one incredibly easy thing: choosing to change their perspective of change.

And here’s why I know this to be true.

From 2002 to 2012, I shared my life with the four-legged love of my life, a Czechoslovakian Shepherd named Kona. He meant everything to me. For 10 years, taking care of Kona gave my life meaning, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

Until, one day, I was forced to imagine the unimaginable.

Almost from the day of his birth, Kona had health challenges, all of which were serious but treatable. Then in 2006, Kona was diagnosed with a life-threatening medical condition. Life expectancy rates for dogs with Kona’s condition were bleak at best; one vet told me that the longest any of his patients lived after the diagnosis was a meager three weeks!

The prognosis was so poor, in fact, that my vet, knowing how I felt about Kona, tried to prepare me for what the tests indicated would probably be Kona’s imminent and sudden death. He walked me through the steps I needed to take in the coming weeks: everything from keeping him quiet, avoiding excitement, and even what to do if Kona had a heart attack while we were out walking or just playing outside, which was apparently how most of the dogs with this condition died.

To say I was devastated doesn’t come close to describing how I felt. And, needless to say, I barely heard a word that the vet was telling me.

I cried for two days. I was filled with fear whenever I even thought about Kona running up and down the basement stairs, let alone not having Kona in my life.

And then I decided to change how I would perceive this awful, unthinkable news: I realized I had a choice.

I could either choose to let it negatively impact every remaining moment I had with Kona – I could lock him in the house, never take him for a walk again, never let him chase birds or rabbits, never leave him alone for a single moment “just in case.” Or, I could choose to see this as a blessing and be grateful for every moment I was going to have with him. We could go on as we did before, chasing lots of rabbits (knowing he could never catch them, thank heavens!), taking long walks – aware of the possible consequences but living our lives to the fullest.

And we did, not just for three short weeks but, miraculously, for four glorious years!

Which is not to say that I didn’t have to come up with a plan for facing my fears and dealing with Kona’s condition realistically. I did have to figure out what to do if Kona had a heart attack while we were away from home. I did have to figure out who I was going to call if Kona became incapacitated, and I needed to get him in the car and to the emergency clinic quickly – not an easy thing to do by myself since he weighed over 100 pounds.

And I did have to think about the unthinkable: going on with my life without Kona in my life.

But once I changed my perspective of the situation, I was able to face the fear and come up with an action plan for moving forward no matter what might happen.

You Say Tomato, I Say Tomahto

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes. Charles Swindoll, Founder, Insight for Living

We all know that the three most important words in real estate are location, location, location. In learning to deal with change more effectively and without fear, the three most important words are attitude, attitude, attitude. You can change your perspective of an event as well as how you feel about having to respond to it.

Take, for example, writing your own obituary rather than leaving that for someone else. You can approach your end-of-life preparations with dread or thinking it’s morbid. Or, you can see it as an opportunity to sing your own praises, to get your house in order, or to just know that you can do something as painful as thinking about your own or someone else’s mortality without being crushed by the knowledge.

We have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable, the unexpected, or the unthinkable. But we CAN change how we approach and deal with anything that might throw us off course or keep us from living a life in our best and highest interests.

Change Your Thoughts? Change Your Life!

“We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.” Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

Within each of us is a soul-deep knowledge of our passions, our values, our desires, and our yearnings, all of which are waiting to be born. And yet, all too often, our current thoughts and beliefs limit our ability to imagine new horizons, to see our present circumstances or our future in new ways, and to give birth to our true selves.

But you CAN learn to release your limiting thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, and attitudes. The key is to give yourself permission to acknowledge your current thought patterns, belief systems, feelings, and fears; challenge your existing assumptions and attitudes that no longer serve you; and explore ways to transform your limiting thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities!

Giving yourself permission to see your thoughts in a new way and then to create new thoughts based on your own personal truths will empower you to identify, accept, and embrace change in all areas of your life – spiritual, physical, mental, emotional. And while you might not be able to change an unwanted hardship, you will be able to more readily accept and engage the difficulties of life.

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rethink, to consider other possibilities, we crack open a door to our Higher Selves – and our Higher Selves, recognizing that the door has been cracked open, wedge a crowbar in to make sure that we consider a different way ahead. You only need to be willing in order to move in a new direction!

Interested in learning more about Thought Healing? Check out my website at www.cracksinconsciousness.com to see how I use this powerful technique in helping others transform their lives!

And watch for the publication of my new book, “I’ve Been Down Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out,” in early summer 2015 to read more incredible stories about people who changed their lives by merely changing their thinking! The book will be available on my Author page on Amazon at amazon.com/author/mcdowellgraham. Don’t miss it!