Cracks in Consciousness

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Paris (Really) Is Burning

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “All we are saying is give peace a chance.” John Lennon

Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve talked about living an examined life—looking at our motivations, our feelings, our thoughts, and our beliefs in order to see what is at the heart of our true selves.

Given the tragedy in Paris, and throughout the world, over the last few days, this exercise takes on a very personal poignancy for me—and, perhaps, for some of you as well.

I’ve shared with you that I live a life of self-examination on a daily basis. That examination takes many forms, but it does not include examining what’s going on in the world. I don’t read the news. I don’t watch the news. I don’t listen to the news.

So if something is going on in the world, I usually hear about it on Facebook.

I don’t follow a lot of people on Facebook, and even fewer follow me. I have a handful of family and friends who have access to my personal page, and I have a public business page for my Cracks in Consciousness life coaching practice.

That said, given how few people and pages I actually do follow, I was dismayed (shocked? saddened?) by the number of people who posted these sentiments in response to the Paris catastrophe: “It’s time we blow up those F%%%%g A#####s!” “When are we’re going to stop putting up with this and just go after those B******s with guns blazing?”

Because I do not believe in self-delusion (or in deluding you, my readers), I have to admit that my initial, nearly unconscious reaction to these passionate exhortations was, “Amen, sisters and brothers!” I understand this reaction and why some people hold to this truth.

However, I then had a more conscious reaction to what I was reading. I thought, “But who exactly are we going to go after and blow up? A few zealots? A terrorist cell? A town? A country?”

I have no answers to these question nor can I offer solutions to the violence in this world. Solutions can only come from understanding, and I don’t understand what would compel someone to take the life of another human being in cold blood.

But here is something I do understand.

Yesterday was my sister’s 58th birthday. Or, rather, I should say, it would have been her 58th birthday. She passed away in September—on 9/11, to be exact. It is both heartbreaking and ironic to think that the anniversary of her passing—one of the gentlest, kindest souls ever to be on Earth—is now shared with the anniversary of one of the most horrible, violent events in America’s brief history.

Colleen absolutely loved, adored, and was passionate about all things Disney. To her, it was, without question, the happiest place on Earth.

In another irony, today is the 50th anniversary of the announcement of Walt Disney’s plans to build Walt Disney World in central Florida.

Colleen and I went to Walt Disney World several years ago while she was still fairly mobile and able to travel with only minor assistance. Despite the 95-degree weather and crushing humidity, we had a great time while we were there.

We planned a return trip for next month. However, over the last several months, it had become painfully obvious that Colleen’s health would no longer allow her to travel.

Unfortunately, Walt Disney died in 1966 before construction began on his Florida project. But his dream of creating happiness on Earth has never died, nor will my happy memories of the time I spent with my sister.

So what does any of this have to do with Paris?

In this excerpt from “Desiderata,” Max Erhmann said it best:

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

For me, it is this: Surely we can take this lesson to ourselves, and make peace and compassion the happiest place on earth.

Monday, November 9, 2015

(Seeing Everything With) Eyes Wide Shut

#ThoughtHealing #MotivationMonday Quote for the Week: “The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.” Stanley Kubrick

Last week, we talked about the value of self-examination, and how knowledge of oneself can be the first step towards wisdom and a more satisfying life in which you are true to yourself.

So now, let’s assume that you’ve taken that first step towards “true-ness”: you’ve examined yourself and you now have a wealth of information at your fingertips.

Which begs the question, “Now what?”

I have a tendency to overthink things. Okay, my family and friends would object to the “tendency” part—they’d cut right to it and state emphatically that I overthink EVERYTHING.

Maybe it’s genetic. After all, my late sister, when I would tell her about how I was struggling with making a decision, would reply, “Well, don’t look at me for advice. You know how this family is. It can take me a day just to decide to go the bathroom.” (Granted, I’ve cleaned up this potty humor a bit; after all, I wouldn’t like to speak ill of the dead—although she’d be the first to laugh about this!)

On the other hand, maybe it’s part of the whole “nature versus nurture” debate. I am, by nature (and as a result, by profession), a planner and process engineer. I make a living by thinking about how things are done now and how they can be improved, streamlined, or eliminated (no potty pun intended here, either).

On the other hand, there wasn’t an abundance of nurturing going on in my family when I was growing up, so I can’t really speak to what I have no frame of reference for. But I do know that a lack of nurturing can result in the need to analyze everything in order to avoid making mistakes and to feel safe in one’s environment.

Or, at least, that’s how it works for me.

So, when I read something like, “the truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it,” I have to think about this. Because knowing how I feel about things isn’t in my nature, either.

When I was in the outpatient facility to treat my alcoholism, one of the things we had to do was share how we were feeling. Don’t get me started about how much I hated, loathed, and abominated that little exercise—how’s that for sharing my feelings? One of the counselors warned me that sharing how angry and resentful I was would not suffice. Apparently, everyone had figured out pretty quickly that I only had these two feelings most of the time.

But I didn’t know any other touchy, feely words. And apparently, neither did most of the others in my recovery group. After all, many of us drank to numb our constant feelings of anger and resentment.

But the counselor was prepared for this, and handed around a list of feelings that we could choose from. Imagine my surprise to see just how many feelings I could have.

And I’ve used this exercise ever since, particularly when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my overthinking.

So, how might you apply the “feeling truth of a thing” to everything you’ve learned about yourself in the course of your daily self-examination?

First and foremost, it can act as a neutralizer of sorts, a way to silence the inner critic. I don’t know about you, but, for me, not only can I overthink, but I can be equally overcritical of what I discover about myself along the way. Which also means that I can either make the wrong decision or be too afraid to make any decision.

Take overthinking as an example. This is one of my “think of a thing” truths. I know this to be true of me.

But how do I feel about this truth?

Well, to tell the truth, I’m feel okay about it (okay, let me get out my list of feelings words to see if I can be more specific). I feel A-OK, comfortable, satisfied, swell, hunky-dory, all right, pleased, and snug as a bug in a rug with it (thank you, thesaurus.com!). And, yes, sometimes I can suffer from analysis paralysis. However, this natural talent of mine has also made me very good at my job.

Judy Carter said, “That day, I learned overthinking gets in the way of our natural talents. We have to turn off the critical, plotting, safety mind and tap into our innate abilities. We can do more than we think we can.

Don’t you love the irony of this statement? Overthinking can in fact get in the way of recognizing that we can do more than we think we can.

Thinking about what you are discovering about yourself as you journey through life, can you tell the difference between the think of a thing and the feel of a thing? Is your self-knowledge providing you with limitless opportunities? Or is the think of a thing limiting what you believe you can do?

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Self Interest

#ThoughtHealing #MotivationMonday Quote for the Week: “This above all: to thine own self be true. Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

“To thine own self be true” is Polonius's last piece of advice to his son Laertes, who is about to head off to Paris for his gentleman's education (and who, by the way, can’t wait to get away from the old man, if for no other reason than to avoid being preached to with such pithy platitudes).

By “true” Polonius means “loyal to your own best interests.” Take care of yourself first, he counsels, and that way you'll be in a position to take care of others.

I think Polonius is onto something here.

I have learned that owning what is important to me, acknowledging my needs and wants DESPITE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS is essential. Which is why helping others learn how to know themselves and what is most important to them is a central theme in all of my books.

In my book, Will Work to Feed Dogs, the focus is on taking stock—identifying your needs and wants, your values, your natural abilities, your passions and interests, and your skills—in order to align your present circumstances with what matters most to you. When you gain clarity about what is in your best and highest interest, you will be able to make more meaningful choices and take consistent action.

In Getting What You Wish For, I show you how important it is to learn to articulate exactly what you want to have, be, or do in your life in order to activate the Law of Attraction and ensure that what you manifest is, indeed, what you wish for.

The focus of I’ve Been Down Here Before, But This Time I Know The Way Out is on leaving behind all of the thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, emotions, and expectations that no longer serve you.

And in Doing the Thing You Think You Cannot Do, I show you how easy it is to change how you might react to the life-changing events that make up your life simply by being willing to face them, embrace them, and go confidently through them. And, once you’ve had the experience of “doing the thing you think you cannot do,” you can face anything—and survive it.

We’ve all heard of Socrates’ bold dictum, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” I’m not sure I would go so far as to say that. But, for me, I can’t imagine living an unexamined life. As a recovering alcoholic, the key components of my 27 years of sobriety have always been being honest with myself; acknowledging my feelings (especially resentment, which can drive me to drink if I’m not ever vigilant); recognizing the motivations behind my actions; and taking responsibility for those actions. None of which would have been possible if I hadn’t taken the time examine my life.

Steven Pressfield in his iconic The War of Art, said, “It’s one thing to lie to ourselves. It’s another to believe it.” I have, on more than one occasion, told myself—and others—some little white lies and not a few whoppers. But I can’t afford the luxury of believing those lies because I believe that doing so will jeopardize my continued sobriety and peace of mind.

Are you true to yourself? Do you even know what that looks like? Do you take the time to examine your life?

Think about it!

Monday, October 26, 2015

Ghost Stories

#ThoughtHealing Quote For The Week: “If you don’t want to be scared, stop telling yourself ghost stories.” Sheri Holman, “Witches on the Road Tonight”

When you head out on the road of life each day, how do you plan your route? Do you look for monsters lurking under the bed and things that go bump in the night? Or do you prefer the happy ending, cup-not-just-half-full-but-overflowing approach to life?

Our limiting thoughts and beliefs are like the ghost stories we tell ourselves. Limiting beliefs serve as filters of our reality; when we get a limiting belief, our life loses its richness because we are not able to perceive it correctly. When our ghost stories become our reality, fear often leaves us feeling emotionally paralyzed. We are unable to act quickly or decisively or, in some cases, even think clearly.

However, once we can identify anything that might be holding us back, we can always transform the limiting beliefs of our ghost stories into more empowering beliefs that can help us keep moving toward our goals, even if roadblocks arise on our path.

The most important thing to remember is that you can choose what you want to tell yourself: the scary ghost stories or the happy ending stories. You can either focus on what you don’t have, the obstacles you face, the risks you have to take. Or, you can focus on your desires. Focus on negative thoughts, and this will manifest negatively in your life: your health might suffer, your peace of mind will be compromised, or you will exist in a constant state of stress. Focus on pleasant thoughts, and your existence will be pleasant.

Dr. Michael Smith said, “Every utterance from our mouth is a prayer.”

Are your words fraught with things that go bump in the night? Or are your utterances light and airy, like prayers?

Think about it!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The Three Most Important Words in Personal Transformation

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “It’s not only moving that creates new starting points. Sometimes all it takes is a subtle shift in perspective, an opening of the mind, an intentional pause and reset, or a new route to start to see new options and new possibilities.” Kristin Armstrong

We all know that the three most important words in real estate are location, location, location. In my experience as a personal transformation coach, I have learned that when we decide to embark on radically redesigning ourselves and our place in the world, the three most important words are perception, perception, perception. And why? Because you can change the quality of your life by changing the context in which you see your circumstances.

Change your perception, change your life. It’s that simple.

So, how might subtle shifts in perspective allow you to transform your life?

In my Personal Transformation coaching practice, one of the things I help people with is learning how to successfully cope with the events that make up their lives. Everything from the unforeseen, like divorce, loss of a job, or terminal illness, to the inevitable, like death and, for most of us, taxes.

And, the most important component of successfully coping with any life event is learning how to change your perception of the event. No matter what happens, you can choose how to perceive the events that make up your life. And it is the power of choice that makes life endurable, worthwhile, joyful, just plain manageable – or spectacular.

And here’s why I know this to be true.

From 2002 to 2012, I shared my life with the four-legged love of my life, a Czechoslovakian Shepherd named Kona. He meant everything to me, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

However, in 2006, Kona was diagnosed with a life-threatening medical condition. Life expectancy rates for dogs with Kona’s condition were bleak at best; one vet told me that the longest any of his patients lived after the diagnosis was three weeks. He warned me that the only chance Kona had of surviving at all was to keep him quiet, avoiding exercise and excitement. He even walked me through what to do if Kona had a sudden heart attack while we’re out walking or just playing outside, which was apparently how most of the dogs with this condition died.

To say I was devastated doesn’t come close to describing how I felt. Needless to say, I barely heard a word that the vet was telling me, and I cried for two days.

And then I decided to change how I would perceive this awful, unthinkable news.

I realized I had a choice. I could either choose to let it negatively impact every remaining moment I had with Kona – I could lock him in the house, never take him for a walk again, never let him chase birds or rabbits, never leave him alone for a single moment “just in case.”

Or, I could choose to see this as a blessing and be grateful for every moment I was going to have with him. We could go on as we did before, chasing lots of rabbits (knowing he could never catch them, thank heavens!), taking long walks – aware of the possible consequences but living our lives to the fullest. And we did, not just for three short weeks but, miraculously, for four more spectacular years!

Which is not to say that I didn’t have to face my fears and deal with Kona’s condition realistically for however much time we had left together.

But once I changed my perception of this event, I found that I was able to think about the unthinkable: going on with my life without Kona in my life.

Deanne Repich said, “Genuine control is not about predicting the future—my grade, my income, my relationships, or a thousand other things. It’s knowing that whatever happens, I can choose how to perceive and react to life’s events.”

If there is one thought that I want you to leave here with today, it’s this: The most important thing to keep in mind is that perception is a matter of choice. You have a choice. You can either approach your the events that make up your life with dread, fear, negativism, or apprehension. Or, you can see those events as an opportunity to learn from the experience without being emotionally crushed by the knowledge.

Deanne Repich also said this, “Genuine control does not mean controlling all of life’s events. It means interpreting life’s events in a way that promotes my growth, happiness, and well-being.”

You have a choice every day regarding the perceptions you will embrace for that day. You cannot change the inevitable, the unexpected, or the unthinkable. But you CAN change how you approach and deal with anything that might throw you off course. And I promise you that you will survive and thrive!

Think about it!

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Kick-The-Bucket List

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “At my age of 63, there are a lot of things that are no longer likely or possible. I’ll probably never go up Mt. Kilimanjaro or run another marathon. I won’t spend a winter crewing on boats in the Caribbean. Won’t learn to play the piano. Might learn another language, although that’s a long shot. But I’ll tell you one thing that is possible. You can walk across Scotland and put your feet in the sea.” David Brown, excerpted from “Sea to sea: a hillwalking ‘challenge’ across Scotland,” Washington Post Sunday, October 11, 2015

My first experience with recognizing that something was no longer likely or possible “at my age” was during a hike on the Aiea Loop Trail in the Keaiwa Heiau State Park on the island of Oahu.

This was my first time trying this hike, and since I was alone, I did my homework first about safety for solitary hikers. I was encouraged, plus the idea of this being a loop meant that I would probably not get lost since, sooner or later, I’d end up back where I started from.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was not, strictly speaking, a “loop.” You begin in one area and end in another. Of course, I didn’t realize this until I was finished—and, by that time, the hike had nearly finished me off.

The first portion was nice (read, “How easy-peasy, so glad I decided to do this”), but the middle had lots of mud and/or water puddles that had to be negotiated (read, “jumped over or waded through”), and the last portion was more enclosed (read, “more isolated and scary than I expected”) by a narrower trail and lower trees. Plus, there were little to no benches or just a place to pull over to take a break; the trail was not well-marked other than the well-worn main trail; and there were a lot of side trails that you could easily (the only easy thing about this) wander off on, never to be heard from again. Oh, and by the way, it’s not a bad idea to be aware of the sheer drops here and there.

Did I mention that I believed I had done my homework beforehand?

About 90 minutes into the hike, I came across a downed tree that was completely blocking the trail. I had no choice but to climb over it. Which is what brings me to the moment when I realized that something that used to be easy for me had, unexpectedly, become near to impossible: I barely had the strength to hoist myself up and over, and, once over, I became seriously concerned that I wouldn’t have the strength to finish the hike.

Of course, since I’m writing this now, you know that this story had a happy ending. I did manage to finish, especially lifted in spirit when a young mother and her very young son lapped me sooner after the tree (I might not have had much strength left, but for heavens sake, I did have my pride!).

At the time, I remember being very discouraged by the knowledge that hiking—at least, this kind of hiking—might no longer be possible for me. And, for a time, I was discouraged about my life in general. After all, baring a miracle, I realized that, in all likelihood, I now had less time in front of me than behind me.

But then I decided I had a choice. I could either close the book on my bucket list OR I could simply change the entries. And I have a lot (although winter crewing on boats in the Caribbean has never been, nor will it ever be, on my bucket list).

So, what’s on your bucket list? Are you constrained by the things that are no longer possible? Or are you energized and motivated by all this IS still possible for you?

Think about it!

Monday, October 5, 2015

Out of Control, Out of Mind

This week's #ThoughtHealing inspiration comes from a post by Dr. Amy Johnson who described far better than I ever could how important it is to learn to let go. Please check out this insightful #MondayMotivation post: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

I’m a black-or-white, everything-tied-up-in-a-neat-bow-that-I-tied kinda gal. The outside-of-my-control gray area is the quintessential definition of a bad neighborhood for me: don’t go in alone and never go in after dark.

Margaret Roach, in "And I Shall Have Some Peace There," described this state of mind best when she said, “Out of control sent me out of my mind.” I am without a doubt out of my mind right now, wandering alone in the dark, bad neighborhood of the gray area.

In the last three weeks, my sister unexpectedly passed away, I started a new job and have yet been able to log into my new company’s website (somedays I hate, loathe, and abominate technology), and the mother of the puppies that I have had a deposit on for months finally got pregnant only to miscarry the entire litter 30 days into the pregnancy.

And while I know that none of these events are within my control, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

One thing that Dr. Johnson said that I disagree slightly with is this: "Sometimes it’s as easy as noticing that you’re in control mode and choosing to let go—consciously and deliberately shifting into surrender energy."

Control freaks like me are typically ALWAYS in control mode, so recognizing something that is simply the way we operate on a daily basis isn’t what I would blithely describe as “easy.”

And it’s not really that I’m afraid of surrendering. Twenty-eight years ago, when I finally realized that I had a drinking problem, I surrendered my need to control everything around me out of fear and turned my losing battle against alcohol over to a Higher Power. Still sober after all these years.

But I have other fears: fear of looking stupid, fear of not being perfect at my new job, fear of not being able to replenish my meager savings account no matter how hard I try to economize. Fear of learning to live without my sister in my life. Fear of letting go and, this time, of not finding my way out of the dark neighborhood by myself.

But Dr. Johnson also said this, which I vehemently agree with: “Find out whose business you’re in. Your business is the realm of things that you can directly influence. Are you there? Or are you in someone else’s business? When we’re trying to control things outside of our own business, it’s not going to go well.”

Now you’re in my wheelhouse.

My professional background is in Business Process Re-engineering and Organizational Change Management. I have over 20 years’ experience in helping companies fundamentally rethink how they do their work in order to identify and eliminate non-value-add activities. An approach that I use most often is the concept of “sphere of control versus sphere of influence.” This concept posits that the things we're worried about or that we complain about fall into three domains: things we have control over, things we can influence, and things that are outside of our control and influence. Companies that exhibit the most process inefficiencies typically are the ones that spend far too much time mucking around in the dark neighborhoods over which they have little or no control.

So how might I apply what I’ve learned in my professional life to my seemingly adrift out-of-control personal life right now?

Well, it wasn’t easy, but I finally realized that I have no control over the fact that my sister passed away, that my new company still hasn’t sent me the token I need to log on, and the puppy that I had already named won’t be coming home at Christmas after all.

Instead, I can choose be grateful for the time I did have with my sister. I can choose to continue to email the company about the missing token (all the while letting them know that I am ready to log in the moment they resolve these issues at THEIR end). And I can choose to either get my deposit back or transfer my deposit to another upcoming litter from the same breeder (which I did).

The bottom line is this: we have a finite amount of energy. The key is to use our energy where it counts. The more we focus on what's in our control, the more effective we'll feel. The happier we'll be.

Ernie Zelinksi said, “Practically everything in your life is a matter of choice.”

My sister and I used to laugh about the fact that, given the choice, we tended to choose the hard way over the easy way, to overthink everything.

My choice now is to try to live within my sphere of control and to learn to let go of the rest.

You, too, have a choice every day regarding how you approach your day. You cannot change the inevitable, the unexpected, or the unthinkable. But you CAN change how you approach and deal with anything that might throw you off course.

Think about it!