The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we
live. Flora Whittemore
January First. New Years Day.
A day of possibilities. We close the
door on the past year. We look forward to the coming year.
And so it was with me in 2005.
I began the day by closing the door not
only on the past year but on the last 20 years of my life as well: I was
packing up the rest of the things that belonged to my about-to-be ex husband
who had moved out two months before.
And I was looking forward to the coming
year, and the rest of my life, with a little fear but also with lots of hope
and excitement!
I had been packing up my husband’s
things for a few weeks now. And, whenever I had a few boxes for him to pick up,
I’d leave them down in the barn so he could retrieve them when I was at work
(and to ensure that he would never darken my door again).
On this day, New Years Day, 2005, I
packed up the rest of his tools, loaded the toolbox and the dogs into the car,
and drove down to the barn, which is about 2 acres behind my house, and about 3
acres away from my nearest neighbor’s house.
Let’s be clear about one thing: to call
this structure a “barn” is probably a stretch. It’s really just a big storage
shed. The walls and the doors are 4-foot by 8-foot plywood boards. The roof is
corrugated metal tacked onto the plywood walls.
I don’t have horses or any kind of
livestock. Which means that I’ve never actually used the barn to stable
anything other than some boxes and suitcases. Which also means that there’s no
water or electricity. Plus, there are windows but they’re boarded up with
pieces of plywood.
So I drive down to the barn, let the
dogs out of the car, grab the toolbox, and go to open the barn door.
Again, calling this a barn door is another
stretch, just like the rest of the barn. It’s just one 4-foot by 8-foot piece
of plywood. It’s attached to the barn by two gate hinges, and there’s a big
gate latch on the outside that keeps the door closed.
Now, because the door is pretty big and just
attached with two gate hinges, if you want to keep the door open, you have prop
it open with a big piece of concrete.
But on this day, I wasn’t planning on staying in
the barn. I just had to swing the door open, drop the toolbox inside, and drive
back to the house to enjoy the rest of the day and begin planning my future
life. Easy!
I drop the toolbox on the ground. I unlatch the
door and swing it open just enough for the dogs to run in excitedly and sniff
around. With my one hand on the door, I pick up the toolbox with my other hand,
step into the barn, and lean down to place the toolbox on the ground.
As I lean over, the hand I’m holding the door open
with comes off the door ever so slightly. As I turn around to catch the door
before it swings shut, I hear this big WHHOOSH, a huge gust of wind sweeps by,
I hear a big BANG, the barn door slams shut. And then I hear a quieter but more
ominous sound – the gate latch on the outside of the door locks neatly and
securely into place.
I am now trapped in a dark, empty barn 3 acres away
from my nearest neighbor on New Years Day. No electricity, no water – and no
cell phone because I wasn’t planning on staying down at the barn so it didn’t
occur to me to bring it along.
And for all intents and purposes, there is No Way Out.
Which means that my life passes before my eyes
because clearly, I’m probably going to perish out in this barn before anyone
comes to rescue me.
And as the darkness closes around me, I think of
another barn story because, after all, there isn’t much else to do while you’re
locked in a barn with No Way Out. Some of you might have heard this story. It
goes like this:
The Emperor’s Master of Horse, Nasrudin, is caught in the
act of stealing and sentenced to die. Hauled up before the Emperor, he is asked
by the Royal Presence: “Is there any reason why I shouldn’t take your head off
right now?” To which Nasrudin replies: “Oh, Mighty Emperor! Know that I, the
Horse Master, Nasrudin, am the greatest teacher in your kingdom, and it would
surely be a waste to kill such a great teacher. So skilled am I that I could
even teach your favorite horse to sing. Give me one year to prove myself worthy
of your mercy.” The Emperor is amused. After all, who wouldn’t want a singing
horse? And so he says to Nasrudin, “Very well Horse Master, you may have one
year. But I warn you: if the horse isn’t singing one year from now, you will be
executed!”
So Nasrudin returns to the barn, where he is instantly
accosted by his terrified assistant. “How could you be so rash?” he shouts. “You
know you can’t teach that horse to sing, no matter how long you try.” But
Nasrudin replies, “Do not be afraid. Anything is possible. Now I have an entire
year that I didn’t have before. And a lot of things can happen in a year. The
king might die. I might die. The horse might die. And, who knows? Maybe the
horse will sing.”
I love this story. It’s a message about hope, a reminder
that anything is possible and that there are always options. When you give
yourself permission to think about what you want, why you want it, and what
you’re willing to do or even try to do, you free yourself to at least consider
alternatives. Ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now might
occur.
Which means that for me, as with Nasrudin, I do
have options. I might be trapped in a barn but that doesn’t necessarily mean
there’s No Way Out. I just have to take stock of my surroundings, and then I
need to let myself see what my options might be.
So, now that my eyes are beginning to adjust to the
darkness, I realize I have several options.
Option #1: I can do nothing. It may seem paradoxical
but doing nothing is always an option. However, sometimes there are
consequences even for “non-action,” and, in this case, the consequence could be
dire indeed if no one finds me. Plus, my dogs are starting to whimper and
whine, so clearly they don’t think much of this option either.
Option #2: I can scream for help. Of course, my
barn is 3 acres away from my nearest neighbor. Plus, it’s New Years Day, and
it’s unlikely that any of my neighbors are even awake yet, let alone out near
my barn. It’s an option but probably not my best option.
Option #3. I could run at the barn door with all my
might and hope to break the lock. Of course, it might take a few tries before I
actually succeed in breaking the lock, during which time I would probably also
break both of my shoulders and one or both legs, in which case, I won’t be able
to crawl back to the car, let alone drive myself to the hospital. I’m reminded
of something that Coco Chanel once said, “Don’t spend time
beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” Sounds like she might
have locked herself in a barn once too, and she’s letting me know that, while
this is an option, it probably isn’t in my best interest
either.
Option #4. Because the roof isn’t nailed down
securely, I can see patches of daylight in some spots. And since I’m using the
barn as a storage shed for lots of boxes and suitcases, I could pile everything
up like a ladder, climb up, and try to push the roof away from the wall enough
for me to shimmy out and drop to the ground. But since it’s about an 8-foot
drop, we’re looking at that whole “break my shoulders and my legs” outcome
again, so this doesn’t seem to be my best option either.
Things are beginning to look bleak indeed if these
are my only options. So not wanting to perish in a barn, I continue to take
stock, and, looking around once more, I notice the boarded-up window.
Aha – Another Option!
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort –
the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final
thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. Andy Rooney
I know that there’s no glass I have to break
through because, as you recall, I never put the windows in. I just need to
remove the plywood board that’s nailed over the opening. But how am I going to
do that? I don’t have any tools.
Hang on a
minute. I DO have tools – a bunch of tools. Which is why I
have managed to stupidly lock myself in the barn in the first place!
So, I open up the tool box, take out
the biggest hammer I can find, pry out the nails, swing open the panel, climb
up to the window, swing my legs out, and proceed to drop gracefully to the
ground, which is about 7 feet below, managing to only scrape my arm and pull
most of the muscles in my upper body in my fall from grace. I brush myself off,
look around sheepishly to make sure that no one has seen me, go back around to
the barn door, and open it to let my dogs out.
Dr. Christiane Northrup said this: “Our souls design many
potent wake-up calls to get our attention back on track.” And on this New Years Day of new beginnings, I realize that everything
I need to know about healing my thoughts and transforming my life I’ve learned
by accidentally locking myself in the barn.
And at the heart of my wake-up call is a simple three-step
process that anyone can use whenever we want to let go of limiting thoughts and
beliefs so we can move from where we are to where we want to be:
Step 1. Examine.
Step 2. Envision.
Step 3. Emerge.
Step #1: Examine. You take stock of
where you are now WITHOUT JUDGMENT.
What was the first thing I did when I realized I was locked
in the barn (other than thinking about how stupid I was in the first place and
then watching my life pass in front of me)?
I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Then I took
stock: I examined what was IN the barn that I might be able to
use to get OUT of the barn.
To know where you want to go and determine how to get there,
you have to start with determining where you are right now. Your ability to be
aware of your situation, your thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, feelings, and
fears nonjudgmentally is a vital first step in getting from where you are now
to where you want to be.
Step #2: Envision. You visualize all of
your options and what the outcome might be for each option.
Once I took stock of my surroundings and my situation, what
did I do next? I started to see that I did in fact have options, and I pictured
the possible outcomes for each one:
- I could do nothing – and wind up dead, or at the very least, deaf as a result of my dogs screeching in my ears (those of you who own German Shepherds know exactly what I’m talking about).
- I could scream – and wind up hoarse and probably still trapped in the barn.
- I could try to break down the doors – and possibly break one or more bones.
- I could try to break out through the roof – and possibly break both of my legs.
- I could pry the board off the window and climb out – possibly hurting myself in the fall.
The author Anne Lamott said this: “If you start to look
around, you will start to see.”
If you’re going to change your thoughts and transform your
life, you
need to give yourself permission to see. See your options. See the outcomes. See
what’s holding you back, what might be keeping you in the barn. See the tools
that are available to you. Envision the way
out.
Step #3: Emerge. You take action towards
whatever you decide is in your best and highest interest.
After I considered all of my options, I
decided that my best course of action was to escape through the window. And
what did I do to literally emerge from that barn?
- I found the tools I needed to pry off the board.
- I hoisted myself up onto the window ledge.
- I dropped down to the ground on the other side.
The most influential part of a mindset are the beliefs you hold true. Myrko Thum
Limiting beliefs can
seriously hold us back in life. But most of the time such beliefs are
invisible to us; our eyes have not adjusted to the darkness. They control
behaviors behind the scenes, enough to curtail our results in some area of
life.
Limiting beliefs can block
you from taking certain actions, even though the actions may be reasonable and
intelligent choices. The first thing that crossed my mind when I was in the
barn was to do nothing. I could have done nothing, in the hopes that eventually
someone might realize that they hadn’t heard from me in a while, and then
someone might have come out to investigate. But this non-action would not have
been reasonable or intelligent.
Limiting beliefs stop
you from achieving your full potential. Limiting beliefs serve as filters
of your reality. when you get a limiting belief, your life loses its richness
because you are not able to perceive it correctly.
You cannot ascend to your highest energetic levels until you
release your limiting thoughts, beliefs, and life patterns that inadvertently
create dis-ease and keep you from moving from where you are to where you want
to be. Moving to a place of illumination, personal growth, and potential starts
with gaining clarity, enabling more meaningful choices and consistent action. You
need to examine your current thoughts, open up what I call “cracks in
consciousness” to see your thoughts in a new way, and then to create new
thoughts based on your own personal truth.
Dr. Michael Smith said this: “You are the one who finds your
way out and you will.” It may take some time to uncover your limiting thoughts
and beliefs, but it will be time well spent. The quality of your life depends
on it. Spend some time now uncovering and eliminating them and you will improve
your life experience to a great extent. Remember that you have an absolute
freedom to choose the way you want to live and you can choose your own beliefs
and ways to behave. And it is in this healing process that you will find the
ability to transform your life!
Want to learn more about overcoming the No Way Out Syndrome?
Read my latest book, “I’ve Been Down
Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out: Curing The No Way Out Syndrome”
available in time for the Summer Solstice on Amazon! A great summer read for the
first day of summer! This book is for anyone who wants to embark on their own
reinvention journey, using the inspiration, guidance, strategies, and personal
transformation tips and tricks in this book. It’s your personal roadmap to
seeing the way out of any hole you might be in, scaling those steep walls, and curing
the No Way Out syndrome once and for all!
