3x5 Full of Gratitude

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” William Arthur Ward

I don’t know about you, but among the many things I’m grateful for are tools. Duct tape and an electric screwdriver are a homeowner’s best friend. A set of diamond drill bits are among this girl’s best friends. And, don’t even get me started on how much I love my Sawzall—no overgrown tree on my property is safe!

So whenever I start something new—a new job, a new book, a new DIY project—I look for the appropriate tools that will help me succeed.

We all know the saying, “Use the right tool for the right job.” Thomas Carlyle even went so far as to declare, “Man is a tool-using animal. Without tools, he is nothing. With tools, he is all.”

Look out Home Depot, here I come!

When I embarked on my sobriety journey, I approached this “project” in the same way: I looked for the tools I could use that would help me get sober and, more importantly, stay sober. Because, after all, what’s the point of building a barn only to have it fall down (or get locked in—see my previous blog about that debacle) because I used the wrong tools?

One of the most effective tools in the sobriety toolkit that I was handed was the Gratitude List.

“The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy, envy, frustration, and fear. When [these feelings] come, stop and count your blessings.” The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

A few weeks ago, I shared with you that, when I first got sober, these “greatest enemies” were the only feelings I recognized. So I knew right away that I would need a really powerful tool in my spiritual toolkit if I was going to have any hope at getting and staying sober. And that tool was the Gratitude List.

But exactly why is a Gratitude List so important?

Because when you are in the midst of emotionally paralyzing, negative feelings, you literally can’t think clearly. On the other hand, when you are in the midst of gratitude, you literally can’t conceive of negative emotions, let alone feel them. Or, as M.J. Ryan succinctly put it, “Whenever we are appreciative, we are filled with a sense of well-being and swept up by the feeling of joy.”

Now, because negative feelings can cloud clear thinking, recovering alcoholics are encouraged (actually, my AA sponsor DEMANDED) that we take the time to actually write down what we were most grateful for on a 3x5 card and keep the card with us at all times. That way, whenever the negative thoughts and emotions threatened our serenity or our sobriety, we could pull out that little card, read over everything we had written down, and remind ourselves of the many blessings we did have as a result of just not taking that one drink again.

And so I dutifully wrote down the things I was grateful for, and I kept my 3x5 index card always at the ready—and believe me, I pulled that little lifesaving tool out of my spiritual toolkit dozens of times in the first year of my sobriety, and lots of time since then.

Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. In addition, behavioral and psychological research has shown that giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, strengthens relationships, improves health, and reduces stress.

Wow—all that from one little 3x5 card? What’s not to be grateful for?

William A. Ward said, “God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?’”

On this Thanksgiving, do you think about what you are thankful for only on this one day? Or, does your practice of gratitude extend beyond a single day? And how might practicing gratitude and giving thanks for everything transform your “common days into thanksgivings” each and every day?

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Paris (Really) Is Burning

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “All we are saying is give peace a chance.” John Lennon

Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve talked about living an examined life—looking at our motivations, our feelings, our thoughts, and our beliefs in order to see what is at the heart of our true selves.

Given the tragedy in Paris, and throughout the world, over the last few days, this exercise takes on a very personal poignancy for me—and, perhaps, for some of you as well.

I’ve shared with you that I live a life of self-examination on a daily basis. That examination takes many forms, but it does not include examining what’s going on in the world. I don’t read the news. I don’t watch the news. I don’t listen to the news.

So if something is going on in the world, I usually hear about it on Facebook.

I don’t follow a lot of people on Facebook, and even fewer follow me. I have a handful of family and friends who have access to my personal page, and I have a public business page for my Cracks in Consciousness life coaching practice.

That said, given how few people and pages I actually do follow, I was dismayed (shocked? saddened?) by the number of people who posted these sentiments in response to the Paris catastrophe: “It’s time we blow up those F%%%%g A#####s!” “When are we’re going to stop putting up with this and just go after those B******s with guns blazing?”

Because I do not believe in self-delusion (or in deluding you, my readers), I have to admit that my initial, nearly unconscious reaction to these passionate exhortations was, “Amen, sisters and brothers!” I understand this reaction and why some people hold to this truth.

However, I then had a more conscious reaction to what I was reading. I thought, “But who exactly are we going to go after and blow up? A few zealots? A terrorist cell? A town? A country?”

I have no answers to these question nor can I offer solutions to the violence in this world. Solutions can only come from understanding, and I don’t understand what would compel someone to take the life of another human being in cold blood.

But here is something I do understand.

Yesterday was my sister’s 58th birthday. Or, rather, I should say, it would have been her 58th birthday. She passed away in September—on 9/11, to be exact. It is both heartbreaking and ironic to think that the anniversary of her passing—one of the gentlest, kindest souls ever to be on Earth—is now shared with the anniversary of one of the most horrible, violent events in America’s brief history.

Colleen absolutely loved, adored, and was passionate about all things Disney. To her, it was, without question, the happiest place on Earth.

In another irony, today is the 50th anniversary of the announcement of Walt Disney’s plans to build Walt Disney World in central Florida.

Colleen and I went to Walt Disney World several years ago while she was still fairly mobile and able to travel with only minor assistance. Despite the 95-degree weather and crushing humidity, we had a great time while we were there.

We planned a return trip for next month. However, over the last several months, it had become painfully obvious that Colleen’s health would no longer allow her to travel.

Unfortunately, Walt Disney died in 1966 before construction began on his Florida project. But his dream of creating happiness on Earth has never died, nor will my happy memories of the time I spent with my sister.

So what does any of this have to do with Paris?

In this excerpt from “Desiderata,” Max Erhmann said it best:

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

For me, it is this: Surely we can take this lesson to ourselves, and make peace and compassion the happiest place on earth.

(Seeing Everything With) Eyes Wide Shut

#ThoughtHealing #MotivationMonday Quote for the Week: “The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.” Stanley Kubrick

Last week, we talked about the value of self-examination, and how knowledge of oneself can be the first step towards wisdom and a more satisfying life in which you are true to yourself.

So now, let’s assume that you’ve taken that first step towards “true-ness”: you’ve examined yourself and you now have a wealth of information at your fingertips.

Which begs the question, “Now what?”

I have a tendency to overthink things. Okay, my family and friends would object to the “tendency” part—they’d cut right to it and state emphatically that I overthink EVERYTHING.

Maybe it’s genetic. After all, my late sister, when I would tell her about how I was struggling with making a decision, would reply, “Well, don’t look at me for advice. You know how this family is. It can take me a day just to decide to go the bathroom.” (Granted, I’ve cleaned up this potty humor a bit; after all, I wouldn’t like to speak ill of the dead—although she’d be the first to laugh about this!)

On the other hand, maybe it’s part of the whole “nature versus nurture” debate. I am, by nature (and as a result, by profession), a planner and process engineer. I make a living by thinking about how things are done now and how they can be improved, streamlined, or eliminated (no potty pun intended here, either).

On the other hand, there wasn’t an abundance of nurturing going on in my family when I was growing up, so I can’t really speak to what I have no frame of reference for. But I do know that a lack of nurturing can result in the need to analyze everything in order to avoid making mistakes and to feel safe in one’s environment.

Or, at least, that’s how it works for me.

So, when I read something like, “the truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it,” I have to think about this. Because knowing how I feel about things isn’t in my nature, either.

When I was in the outpatient facility to treat my alcoholism, one of the things we had to do was share how we were feeling. Don’t get me started about how much I hated, loathed, and abominated that little exercise—how’s that for sharing my feelings? One of the counselors warned me that sharing how angry and resentful I was would not suffice. Apparently, everyone had figured out pretty quickly that I only had these two feelings most of the time.

But I didn’t know any other touchy, feely words. And apparently, neither did most of the others in my recovery group. After all, many of us drank to numb our constant feelings of anger and resentment.

But the counselor was prepared for this, and handed around a list of feelings that we could choose from. Imagine my surprise to see just how many feelings I could have.

And I’ve used this exercise ever since, particularly when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my overthinking.

So, how might you apply the “feeling truth of a thing” to everything you’ve learned about yourself in the course of your daily self-examination?

First and foremost, it can act as a neutralizer of sorts, a way to silence the inner critic. I don’t know about you, but, for me, not only can I overthink, but I can be equally overcritical of what I discover about myself along the way. Which also means that I can either make the wrong decision or be too afraid to make any decision.

Take overthinking as an example. This is one of my “think of a thing” truths. I know this to be true of me.

But how do I feel about this truth?

Well, to tell the truth, I’m feel okay about it (okay, let me get out my list of feelings words to see if I can be more specific). I feel A-OK, comfortable, satisfied, swell, hunky-dory, all right, pleased, and snug as a bug in a rug with it (thank you, thesaurus.com!). And, yes, sometimes I can suffer from analysis paralysis. However, this natural talent of mine has also made me very good at my job.

Judy Carter said, “That day, I learned overthinking gets in the way of our natural talents. We have to turn off the critical, plotting, safety mind and tap into our innate abilities. We can do more than we think we can.

Don’t you love the irony of this statement? Overthinking can in fact get in the way of recognizing that we can do more than we think we can.

Thinking about what you are discovering about yourself as you journey through life, can you tell the difference between the think of a thing and the feel of a thing? Is your self-knowledge providing you with limitless opportunities? Or is the think of a thing limiting what you believe you can do?

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Self Interest

#ThoughtHealing #MotivationMonday Quote for the Week: “This above all: to thine own self be true. Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

“To thine own self be true” is Polonius's last piece of advice to his son Laertes, who is about to head off to Paris for his gentleman's education (and who, by the way, can’t wait to get away from the old man, if for no other reason than to avoid being preached to with such pithy platitudes).

By “true” Polonius means “loyal to your own best interests.” Take care of yourself first, he counsels, and that way you'll be in a position to take care of others.

I think Polonius is onto something here.

I have learned that owning what is important to me, acknowledging my needs and wants DESPITE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS is essential. Which is why helping others learn how to know themselves and what is most important to them is a central theme in all of my books.

In my book, Will Work to Feed Dogs, the focus is on taking stock—identifying your needs and wants, your values, your natural abilities, your passions and interests, and your skills—in order to align your present circumstances with what matters most to you. When you gain clarity about what is in your best and highest interest, you will be able to make more meaningful choices and take consistent action.

In Getting What You Wish For, I show you how important it is to learn to articulate exactly what you want to have, be, or do in your life in order to activate the Law of Attraction and ensure that what you manifest is, indeed, what you wish for.

The focus of I’ve Been Down Here Before, But This Time I Know The Way Out is on leaving behind all of the thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, emotions, and expectations that no longer serve you.

And in Doing the Thing You Think You Cannot Do, I show you how easy it is to change how you might react to the life-changing events that make up your life simply by being willing to face them, embrace them, and go confidently through them. And, once you’ve had the experience of “doing the thing you think you cannot do,” you can face anything—and survive it.

We’ve all heard of Socrates’ bold dictum, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” I’m not sure I would go so far as to say that. But, for me, I can’t imagine living an unexamined life. As a recovering alcoholic, the key components of my 27 years of sobriety have always been being honest with myself; acknowledging my feelings (especially resentment, which can drive me to drink if I’m not ever vigilant); recognizing the motivations behind my actions; and taking responsibility for those actions. None of which would have been possible if I hadn’t taken the time examine my life.

Steven Pressfield in his iconic The War of Art, said, “It’s one thing to lie to ourselves. It’s another to believe it.” I have, on more than one occasion, told myself—and others—some little white lies and not a few whoppers. But I can’t afford the luxury of believing those lies because I believe that doing so will jeopardize my continued sobriety and peace of mind.

Are you true to yourself? Do you even know what that looks like? Do you take the time to examine your life?

Think about it!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!