The Gift That Keeps On Giving

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend… when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present — love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure — the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

Many years ago, I set out to plan a small but thoughtfully laid out garden in the front of my house. As you know, I’m a project manager by profession, so I approached this project in the same way as I tackled a multi-million dollar, multi-year technology infusion project: I evaluated my “current state” (the patch of brown waiting to be brought to life), I envisioned my “future state” (the beautifully crafted blooms that would flower year after year), and, most importantly, I developed my game plan for achieving my final solution that would no doubt one day be featured in Better Homes and Gardens (Western States edition).

I began by researching the best plants to include in my garden. I learned how to amend the soil; how to lay out everything in such a way as to take advantage of sunlight, runoff, and wind; and how to ensure that there would be adequate space between the plants to allow each one to spread out and up (all the while being sure not to plant anything on the dragon’s back, at least from a flowering feng shui perspective).

And so I excitedly bought all of my exhaustively researched plants, and I lovingly and thoughtfully placed each one according to the landscape blueprint I had equally lovingly and thoughtfully drawn up, every detail considered, every place on the dragon’s back plotted out. Now, all I had to do was sit back and marvel as my plans—and my plants—bore fruit and blossomed.

Even the most novice of gardeners knows that these things take time. There is an ebb and flow to the seasons; things grow and mature in their own time. Which means that, at least for the first couple of seasons, the garden might look a bit sparse. But, in time, everything will fill in exactly as planned.

As I said, I’m a planner, and a good one. I was confident that I had taken everything into account when I planned my project. And so I was willing to be patient and let things unfold as they were meant to.

Only, as it turned out, I had overlooked one factor that would ultimately spell disaster.

And that one factor was my husband.

Patience was not in his vocabulary. He thought the garden looked “too sparse,” and he was not willing to wait for it to fill in. He wanted what he wanted now (which, as it turned out, was his approach to pretty much everything, but that’s another story). So one day, unbeknownst to me (and while I was at work), he stopped by the local nursery and, explained this dire predicament to one of the salespeople. He then came home with what he was told would be the perfect addition to the garden, one that would fill in those artfully planned empty spaces quickly.

Which turned out to be Kentucky Bluegrass seed.

He happily spread that pernicious offender EVERYWHERE in my artfully planned garden. A former minor league baseball player with a wicked throwing arm, he applied himself with the precision of an outfielder gunning down the runner racing to steal home from third base. Nothing was left to chance—and no empty space was left untilled and unseeded.

How proud he was to show me the fruits of his labor when I got home. Not the brightest bulb, he didn’t realize for some time that I wasn’t exactly pleased with his effort. And so, for once, he decided to be patient and assured me that I would be happy with the results if I would just give it “a little time.”

(In truth, he was patiently waiting to tell me, “I told you so.”)

Sure enough, we did not have long to wait. The very next spring, my garden began to take shape. At least, I think it did. I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t see my little buds pushing up to sunlight because they were swallowed up by the JUNGLE of Kentucky Bluegrass that seemed to spring forth overnight.

And year after year, while some of my plants failed, and others seemed to thrive, I could always count on one thing that would never fail and would always thrive in my garden: That (insert various expletives here) Kentucky Bluegrass.

In time, I decided to once and for all eradicate my garden of all pernicious weeds, failures, and seasonal flops. I also eradicated my husband. (Told you so.)

But the one thing I’ve never been able to rid my garden of is that lousy bluegrass. Which in the spirit of the holidays, I came to think of as The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Every spring, when I see that bluegrass come to life (actually, it’s really more like the zombie plant in my garden because nothing can kill it and it’s the only thing that seems to stay green year-round), I’m reminded of my life BKB and AGKH: Before Kentucky Bluegrass and After Garden-Killing Husband. My life—like my thoughtfully and carefully planned garden—looks nothing like the landscape blueprint I thought my life would be those many years ago.

Marcel Proust said, “Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

And while I curse that bluegrass every spring, I also make a conscious choice to think of it as the best possible Gift That Keeps On Giving that I’ve ever received. It reminds me of many things: of how things can change when we least expect it; how our best laid plans can go awry; how what might at first seem to be the worst thing that could happen might, in time, turn out to be one of the best things.

So, as this year comes to an end, and you open your gifts this week, what gifts have you received that will keep on giving—and what gifts can YOU give to others so that you, too, will be a charming gardener?

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Inside (Looking) Out

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Harper Lee, “To Kill A Mockingbird”

I got a copy of my sister’s death certificate yesterday. Near the bottom, in box 25, “Immediate Cause,” there was space for up to four causes of death, preceded by this explanation: “Conditions if any which gave rise to immediate cause stating the underlying cause last.” Unfortunately, although not surprisingly, all four lines had an entry.

The first three were Cardiopulmonary Arrest, Acute Respiratory Failure, Severe Pulmonary Hypertension. No surprises here; Colleen had been diagnosed with Emphysema many years ago, and Severe Pulmonary Hypertension is often a result of this condition.

Then I noticed the last one, the one that the death certificate described as the underlying cause: Obesity-hypoventilation Syndrome. And I thought, “So, there it is, Colleen, you were right. Once again, it all comes down to your weight.”

Anne Lamott said, “Everyone is walking around as an advertisement for who he or she is.”

This bothers me. I want to argue with it, but I can’t. My own experience, and more importantly, that of my family, won’t allow me to.

Colleen used to joke about how people perceived her. You see, not only was she obese, she also had just two teeth. She’d say, “I know what people are thinking when they look at me: backwoods hillbilly who married her first cousin.” She also joked about her former cocaine use. She used to say, “It figures—everyone else who used cocaine looked like swizzle sticks, but what happened to me? I was probably the only overweight cocaine user on the planet.” (I would try to comfort her by pointing out that I was probably the only person who owned overweight GSDs in Colorado. Somehow, I don’t think this took much of the sting—or the stigma—away.)

When my oldest sister (now also passed) was in the middle of job hunting, she asked me to help her write her resume, which was very impressive, and cover letter. Job hunting is an experience that I know from recent personal experience is difficult in the best of circumstances.

As we were finishing up, she asked me this question: “Should I mention something about how I look in my cover letter?” This puzzled me. We all know the unwritten rules of writing resumes when you are “of a certain age”: never mention your age, when you graduated from college, your martial status, how many children you have—all of these can be off-putting to a hiring manager. But I hadn’t even thought about this before, and so I asked her why.

“Because whenever I get an actual face-to-face interview,” she replied matter of factly, “They take one look at me and I know I won’t get the job, no matter how qualified I am. So maybe I could mention that, despite my physical appearance, I’m capable, loyal, and dependable. And I’m healthy, no matter what they might think about how I look.”

You see, my sister was all of these things and more: capable, loyal, dependable, brilliant, beautiful—and she weighed over 300 pounds.

As it turned out, she didn’t include this in her cover letter, but she also didn’t get a face-to-face interview, so perhaps it would have been a moot point.

But I don’t think so. In fact, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have gotten the job.

Everyone has heard this well-worn statement by George Orwell (and its countless renderings for every condition under the sun), “I'm fat, but I'm thin inside... there's a thin man inside every fat man.”

I never asked either of my sisters whether they had thin alter egos. Whether it bothered them that what they were on the inside—kind, compassionate, gentle, forgiving—didn’t match what people chose to see on the outside. That, in fact, most people dismissed them entirely, or, even more reprehensible but still noticeable, that people were repelled by them.

I mean, think about it: you’re on a plane getting ready to depart. There’s an empty seat next to you—and a very large person coming down the aisle. Quick—what’s your first thought? “Please, oh please, don’t sit here.” It’s a common reaction. I’d be lying if I said I never had that thought myself.

But I’d also be lying if I didn’t point out how obvious our “don’t sit here” aversion is to the very large person coming down the aisle.

I know—because, like my sisters, I used to be one of those very large people, too.

“There are things visible and invisible,” Rumer Godden said.

It’s so easy to size someone up just by looking at what is visible—their size, their age, their gender, their height, the color of their hair. And maybe, for some, the outside matches the inside, their thin person has escaped and is now visible to the world.

But I suspect that, for most of us, there is something invisible inside each of us that has not yet been allowed to be seen. And what might it take for us to look past the visible in order to catch even a glimpse of what might be just below the surface, but so much more real.

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!

Anticipation Is A Double-Edged Sword

#ThoughtHealing Quote for the Week: “Expecting is the greatest impediment to living. In anticipation of tomorrow, it loses today.” Seneca

At this time of year, people spend a lot of time focusing on the future. What resolutions should I make for the coming year? What changes do I need to make in my health care enrollment for next year? How much money will I owe, or might I get back, when I file my taxes next year? What might the new year bring me? What might Santa bring me?

I certainly understand this “what’s next?” perspective.

Right now, I, too, am looking at several possibilities that might or will come to pass in the next several months.

It started when one of my psychic advisers told me that I would be facing a number of “significant crossroads” in the first three months of 2016.

Next, my health insurance expired yesterday, so I’m researching health exchanges to find affordable (I use this term skeptically) options for 2016.

I’m on a deposit list for a new GSD puppy that, with luck and a successful breeding, will be born sometime in February. And I’ve been on this list for over a year, so talk about anticipation!

I have my annual trip to Hawaii coming up at the end of January, so it’s time to finish making my remaining travel arrangements. (I don’t know about you, but I so miss the days when I could just call my father, who lived in Hawaii, tell him what time to pick me up at the airport, and board the next flight leaving for Oahu! Twenty-one day advance purchase? I remember when all you needed was about 21 minutes.)

Since I lived on a combination of unemployment benefits and taxable withdrawals from my IRA for most of this year, I’ve already run my taxes for 2016 to see how much I’m going to owe the IRS come April.

And, last but not least, I have been watching my email like a hawk since yesterday in anticipation of an announcement (no details can be shared right now) that will make a significant difference in how I live my life in the coming year.

So to say that, for today, I’m living in the future much more than in the present moment would be an understatement. So to what degree am I squandering the treasures of this moment in exchange for what may or may not occur in the future?

Now, I’m the first to admit that anticipation is a double-edged sword.

Samuel Smiles said, “An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality; our desires being often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing.”

This makes sense to me. After all, many of the things on the horizon for me are all about what I believe I am capable of, and I’m looking forward to the possibility of a new reality.

And let’s not forget one of the books I published this year, “Getting What You Wish For: A Short and Sweet Guide to Manifesting the Sweet Life”; this book focuses on how to activate the Law of Attraction and place into vibrational escrow the things you want to have, do, or be in your life. Caroline Kepnes described this best when she said, “And I will never again underestimate the power of anticipation. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation into the future.”

And so I precariously balance on that double-edge sword of anticipation and expectation: trying to be conscious of the blessings of the moment so that I don’t squander today while, at the same time, inviting a future that will manifest my desires.

(Not to mention, anticipating the joy of puppy kisses!)

Think about it!

And, as always, remember this: It’s never too late to be what you might have been!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!