Singing Lessons

In order to avoid this bitter end, we have to be reborn again, and born with the knowledge of alternatives” “I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings,” Maya Angelou

Have you heard of the story titled, “The Horse Might Sing”? There are many different versions, but my favorite goes like this:

Nasrudin was caught in the act of stealing and sentenced to die. Hauled up before the king, he was asked by the Royal Presence: “Is there any reason at all why I shouldn't take your head off right now?” To which he replied: “Oh, King, live forever! Know that I, the mullah Nasrudin, am the greatest teacher in your kingdom, and it would surely be a waste to kill such a great teacher. So skilled am I that I could even teach your favorite horse to sing, given a year to work on it.” The king was amused, and said: “Very well then, you move into the stable immediately, and if the horse isn’t singing a year from now, we'll think of something interesting to do with you.”

As Nasrudin was returning to his cell to pick up his spare rags, his cellmate remonstrated with him: “Now that was really foolish. You know you can’t teach that horse to sing, no matter how long you try.” Nasrudin's response: “Not at all. I have a year now that I didn’t have before. And a lot of things can happen in a year. The king might die. The horse might die. I might die. And, who knows? Maybe the horse will sing.”

I love this story. It’s a message about hope, a reminder that anything is possible, that there are always options.

For me, having the “knowledge of alternatives” is incredibly powerful. Over the years, knowing that I had options has been essential to me; having options means the difference between seeing a way ahead—or a way out—or staying in those deep holes that I have, on occasion, fallen into.

Giving ourselves permission to willingly consider alternatives is the key to getting from where you are to where you want to be. Willingness is a necessary precursor to taking action: you have to be willing to do something—or, at the very least, willing to try to do something—in order to keep moving forward.

It's the Same Old Song

All their lives they did what had to be done, and didn’t bother daydreaming about alternative lives because they never expected to be free enough to have a choice. I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was, Barbara Sher

Have you ever wondered how some people can willingly walk away from what they know to embark on a journey into a future that isn’t even defined? Do you marvel at people who recklessly go out on a limb—and intentionally saw themselves off? Have you said to yourself, “I could never do that in a million years!”

But then secretly, and maybe a little wistfully, whispered to yourself, “But if I only knew how they did it, maybe I could do it too”?

Most people rarely, if ever, question the path they’re on. They put one foot in front of the other and simply keep moving forward. Part generational, part genetic, part upbringing or culture, there are many reasons why we never consider what we might really want or what might be in our best and highest interest. We simply do what we think, or believe, we have to do.

When thinking about our lives, most of us do what I call “snapshotting”: We see our lives in a certain way, like a photo, and we freeze it at that moment. We look through the lens, we frame the image in the way that is most pleasing to us, and we capture that perception. We like the results, and so we leave it as is.

Then something happens that either allows us or forces us to change our perception of the image, and we are faced with a decision: either keep the image as is or look at the image in a different way, to frame the external situation or event to match our new, internal perceptions. We find ourselves at a crossroads where the same choices and the same decisions no longer serve us.

The definition of crossroads is “the place where roads intersect or a place at which a vital decision must be made.”

This definition has two significant elements.

First, a crossroads involves options: this road or that road, this way or that, this direction or that.

Second, a crossroads implies that we are intended to select one of the options available to us: we turn left instead of right; we take the shady path rather than the sunny one, the uphill climb rather than the downhill stroll. Otherwise, we are at a standstill.

When we come to a crossroads in our lives, seeing all of the possible roads we can take and all of the options that are available to us can certainly be overwhelming and scary. But it can also be a golden opportunity to make some fundamental changes in our lives. It can mark a turning point in how we live our lives.

The Music of the Spheres

I sing like I feel. Ella Fitzgerald

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rethink, to consider other possibilities, we crack open a door to our Higher Self—and our Higher Self, recognizing that the door has been cracked open, wedges a crowbar in to make sure that we consider a different way ahead.

In order to crack open that door to your Higher Self, you need to give yourself permission to think about alternatives: what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do. When you free yourself to at least consider alternatives, ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now may occur.

Here is a simple exercise for learning how to open the door to your options. You can use this exercise whether you’re at a crossroads now or find yourself at that “place at which a vital decision must be made” in the future.

1.  Open a new page in your journal, notebook, or computer file.

2.  At the top of the page, write: What Does “Opening the Door to Your Options” Mean to Me?

3.  Write down words, phrases, and feelings about the concept of opening the door to options. If you do only one step in this exercise, do this one. Understanding how you feel about the concept of having options in your life is a necessary precursor to acquiring the knowledge of alternatives. And be honest! If allowing yourself to consider options makes you uncomfortable, you need to acknowledge this as well as the reasons for your sense of “dis-ease.”

4.  Next, thinking about your life now, are you at a crossroads or at a place where you need to make a vital decision? If so, describe the place and the options that you believe you have.

5.  Looking at the crossroads you said you’re at in step 4, are there any options that you believe you don’t have because of the possible consequences or outcomes, whether real or imagined? If so, write these down.

6.  Looking again at the crossroads you said you’re at in step 4, are there any options that you’d be willing to do or at least try to do if you weren’t afraid of the consequences, whether real or imagined? If so, write these down. 

Not allowing yourself to get caught up in possible consequences or outcomes is an essential component of learning to open yourself to options. If we think we know what will happen because of something we will or might do, the steps we take, whether consciously or unconsciously, often become a self-fulfilling prophecy: we make it happen because we assume it’s going to happen anyway. In her book, After Shock: What to Do When the Doctor Gives You—or Someone You Love—a Devastating Diagnosis, Jessie Gruman describes this tendency like this: “It is the fear of the unknown that paralyzes. You can acknowledge the possibilities and know where you might go. It doesn’t mean that you are fatalistic and it doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen.”

Learning to Sing Your Own Song

Have you been avoiding looking at alternatives? Have you been trying to not look in the mirror and see what is true? Have you ever asked yourself, “If I didn’t have to worry about the outcome, what would I let myself think about? What options might I have? What choices would I make?”

Are you like the servant in the story about the singing horse? Do you wring your hands over the worst that might happen? Do you see the bitter end in your endeavors as something than cannot be avoided?

Or are you like Nasrudin—ever hopeful, confident in the knowledge that a thousand things might happen before anything might come to pass?

In her book Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott said, “If you start to look around, you will start to see.” If you desire to be reborn with the knowledge of alternatives, let your eyes and your heart see all of the possibilities around you!

Interested in knowing more about how the knowledge of alternatives can transform your life? Then check out any of the books in my Examine – Envision – Emerge© Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book examines the power of thought healing from a unique perspective—and opening yourself to options is a key element in getting from where you are to where you want to be! Available in print and Kindle formats on Amazon and as ebooks from your favorite retailer now!

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Harnessing The Power of Permission

No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it. Richard Bach

For most of us, giving ourselves permission is challenging. For many reasons, we can’t or won’t allow ourselves to put ourselves first. Instead, we simply put one foot in front of the other and gut it out – and too often convince ourselves that this is “moving forward” with our lives.

Part generational, part genetic, part upbringing, there are many reasons why we never consider what we might really want or what might be in our best and highest interest. We simply do what we think, or believe, we have to do. We jump into a hole of our own making, we see the steep walls, and then we don’t even acknowledge that there might be a way out, let alone cry out for help.

But giving ourselves permission to willingly consider alternatives is the key to making some fundamental changes in our lives in order to manifest what we want to have, do, or be.

Willingness is a necessary precursor to taking action: you have to be willing to do something – or, at the very least, willing to try to do something – in order to truly keep moving forward.

When you give yourself permission to think about what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do, you free yourself to at least consider alternatives. Ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now might occur.

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rethink, to consider other possibilities, we crack open a door to our Higher Self – and our Higher Self, recognizing that the door has been cracked open, wedges a crowbar in to make sure that we consider a different way ahead.

And here’s why I know this to be true.

In September 2014, I found myself at a personal and professional crossroads. My 5-year contract with the government was due to expire, and it had become clear that my company was not going to re-compete it, meaning that all of us were going to be laid off.

Now, keep in mind that my expiring contract didn’t necessarily mean that I would be out of work. Typically, an expiring contract is awarded to another company, and the existing employees are offered positions with the new company (to ensure what is called “business continuity”). And so it was in my situation. I was confident that no matter which company won the contract, I would be offered a position (though at what salary or benefits was anyone’s guess), which was as sure a Sure Thing as it could possibly get in this day and age.

Truth be told, I had been unhappy for a long time in my job. But I was far more afraid of not having an income than I was of not being happy, and so choosing not to accept a position with the new company was, for me, no choice at all. I was just going to have to stay down in that hole and gut it out, just like I always had in the past and just like, I assumed, I always would in the future.

During the last two months of my employment, a couple of colleagues suggested that I read The Joy of Not Working by Ernie Zelinski. Actually, “suggested” doesn’t come close to the wild enthusiasm that they both had when gushing about this book.

Okay, I’m game, I thought. I could use a little joy in my life.

My first time reading through the book, I hated it. Actually, “hated” doesn’t come close to describing how I loathed, despised, and abominated the book. All I saw the first time through – that is, all I gave myself permission to see – was how so many of the testimonials included some reference to the large sums of money they had already saved, the inheritance they had just received, or the lottery ticket they found in a gutter that just happened to be the winning Powerball ticket, which gave them the financial means to take the unemployment plunge.

(Okay, I might be exaggerating a little. Maybe there weren’t any Powerball stories.)

And another thing I hated about the book was Zelinski’s tone: all gushy and “you too can have what I have,” and ain’t life grand. I was reminded of something that Anne Lamott said in her book, Bird by Bird: “I once asked Ethan Canin to tell me the most valuable thing he knew about writing, and without hesitation he said, ‘Nothing is as important as a likable narrator.’”

I saw nothing likable about Ernie. (I decided to be on a first name basis with Ernie; after all, if you’re going to dislike someone, it’s personal and rather chummy, like being on a first name basis.)

But then I thought about another quote from Kristin Hannah’s book, The Nightingale: “Don’t think about who they are. Think about who you are and what sacrifices you can live with and what will break you.” And I thought about how unhappy I was, and I realized that I was sacrificing everything that mattered to me just out of fear and for the sake of a paycheck. And this time I gave myself permission to acknowledge that staying with my current job would be my breaking point. As a result, I chose to walk away from my six-figure salary, health benefits, and employee discounts, and instead accept the layoff, a meager 3-week severance check, a small vacation payout, 26 weeks of unemployment benefits, and an unknown job market – and when I say “walk,” I mean I ran.

Giving ourselves permission is the key to personal transformation. Nothing more and nothing less. Permission to acknowledge our A-ha moments, wake-up calls, and the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical toll that our current circumstances are taking. Permission to consider alternatives. Permission to let go. Permission to say Yes to a new path and a different direction. Permission to say Yes to ourselves.

In her book Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott said, “If you start to look around, you will start to see.” In order to crack open that door to your Higher Self, you need to spend some time figuring out what it means to give yourself permission in terms of your own personal transformation and reinvention. Once you can delve deeply into the concept of permission, you will be able to recognize the impact it can have, not only on your reinvention journey but on your entire life!

Interested in learning more about personal transformation and how to harness the power of permission? Check out my latest book, I’ve Been Down Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out: Curing The No Way Out Syndrome, available now on Amazon!

Everything I Needed To Know About Transforming My Life I Learned By Accidentally Locking Myself In The Barn

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. Flora Whittemore

January First. New Years Day.

A day of possibilities. We close the door on the past year. We look forward to the coming year.

And so it was with me in 2005.

I began the day by closing the door not only on the past year but on the last 20 years of my life as well: I was packing up the rest of the things that belonged to my about-to-be ex husband who had moved out two months before.

And I was looking forward to the coming year, and the rest of my life, with a little fear but also with lots of hope and excitement!

I had been packing up my husband’s things for a few weeks now. And, whenever I had a few boxes for him to pick up, I’d leave them down in the barn so he could retrieve them when I was at work (and to ensure that he would never darken my door again).

On this day, New Years Day, 2005, I packed up the rest of his tools, loaded the toolbox and the dogs into the car, and drove down to the barn, which is about 2 acres behind my house, and about 3 acres away from my nearest neighbor’s house.

Let’s be clear about one thing: to call this structure a “barn” is probably a stretch. It’s really just a big storage shed. The walls and the doors are 4-foot by 8-foot plywood boards. The roof is corrugated metal tacked onto the plywood walls.

I don’t have horses or any kind of livestock. Which means that I’ve never actually used the barn to stable anything other than some boxes and suitcases. Which also means that there’s no water or electricity. Plus, there are windows but they’re boarded up with pieces of plywood.

So I drive down to the barn, let the dogs out of the car, grab the toolbox, and go to open the barn door.

Again, calling this a barn door is another stretch, just like the rest of the barn. It’s just one 4-foot by 8-foot piece of plywood. It’s attached to the barn by two gate hinges, and there’s a big gate latch on the outside that keeps the door closed.

Now, because the door is pretty big and just attached with two gate hinges, if you want to keep the door open, you have prop it open with a big piece of concrete.

But on this day, I wasn’t planning on staying in the barn. I just had to swing the door open, drop the toolbox inside, and drive back to the house to enjoy the rest of the day and begin planning my future life. Easy!

I drop the toolbox on the ground. I unlatch the door and swing it open just enough for the dogs to run in excitedly and sniff around. With my one hand on the door, I pick up the toolbox with my other hand, step into the barn, and lean down to place the toolbox on the ground.

As I lean over, the hand I’m holding the door open with comes off the door ever so slightly. As I turn around to catch the door before it swings shut, I hear this big WHHOOSH, a huge gust of wind sweeps by, I hear a big BANG, the barn door slams shut. And then I hear a quieter but more ominous sound – the gate latch on the outside of the door locks neatly and securely into place.

I am now trapped in a dark, empty barn 3 acres away from my nearest neighbor on New Years Day. No electricity, no water – and no cell phone because I wasn’t planning on staying down at the barn so it didn’t occur to me to bring it along.

And for all intents and purposes, there is No Way Out.

Which means that my life passes before my eyes because clearly, I’m probably going to perish out in this barn before anyone comes to rescue me.

And as the darkness closes around me, I think of another barn story because, after all, there isn’t much else to do while you’re locked in a barn with No Way Out. Some of you might have heard this story. It goes like this:

The Emperor’s Master of Horse, Nasrudin, is caught in the act of stealing and sentenced to die. Hauled up before the Emperor, he is asked by the Royal Presence: “Is there any reason why I shouldn’t take your head off right now?” To which Nasrudin replies: “Oh, Mighty Emperor! Know that I, the Horse Master, Nasrudin, am the greatest teacher in your kingdom, and it would surely be a waste to kill such a great teacher. So skilled am I that I could even teach your favorite horse to sing. Give me one year to prove myself worthy of your mercy.” The Emperor is amused. After all, who wouldn’t want a singing horse? And so he says to Nasrudin, “Very well Horse Master, you may have one year. But I warn you: if the horse isn’t singing one year from now, you will be executed!”

So Nasrudin returns to the barn, where he is instantly accosted by his terrified assistant. “How could you be so rash?” he shouts. “You know you can’t teach that horse to sing, no matter how long you try.” But Nasrudin replies, “Do not be afraid. Anything is possible. Now I have an entire year that I didn’t have before. And a lot of things can happen in a year. The king might die. I might die. The horse might die. And, who knows? Maybe the horse will sing.”

I love this story. It’s a message about hope, a reminder that anything is possible and that there are always options. When you give yourself permission to think about what you want, why you want it, and what you’re willing to do or even try to do, you free yourself to at least consider alternatives. Ideas that might not have occurred to you in the past now might occur.

Which means that for me, as with Nasrudin, I do have options. I might be trapped in a barn but that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s No Way Out. I just have to take stock of my surroundings, and then I need to let myself see what my options might be.

So, now that my eyes are beginning to adjust to the darkness, I realize I have several options.

Option #1: I can do nothing. It may seem paradoxical but doing nothing is always an option. However, sometimes there are consequences even for “non-action,” and, in this case, the consequence could be dire indeed if no one finds me. Plus, my dogs are starting to whimper and whine, so clearly they don’t think much of this option either.

Option #2: I can scream for help. Of course, my barn is 3 acres away from my nearest neighbor. Plus, it’s New Years Day, and it’s unlikely that any of my neighbors are even awake yet, let alone out near my barn. It’s an option but probably not my best option.

Option #3. I could run at the barn door with all my might and hope to break the lock. Of course, it might take a few tries before I actually succeed in breaking the lock, during which time I would probably also break both of my shoulders and one or both legs, in which case, I won’t be able to crawl back to the car, let alone drive myself to the hospital. I’m reminded of something that Coco Chanel once said, “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” Sounds like she might have locked herself in a barn once too, and she’s letting me know that, while this is an option, it probably isn’t in my best interest either.

Option #4. Because the roof isn’t nailed down securely, I can see patches of daylight in some spots. And since I’m using the barn as a storage shed for lots of boxes and suitcases, I could pile everything up like a ladder, climb up, and try to push the roof away from the wall enough for me to shimmy out and drop to the ground. But since it’s about an 8-foot drop, we’re looking at that whole “break my shoulders and my legs” outcome again, so this doesn’t seem to be my best option either.

Things are beginning to look bleak indeed if these are my only options. So not wanting to perish in a barn, I continue to take stock, and, looking around once more, I notice the boarded-up window.

Aha – Another Option!

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. Andy Rooney

I know that there’s no glass I have to break through because, as you recall, I never put the windows in. I just need to remove the plywood board that’s nailed over the opening. But how am I going to do that? I don’t have any tools.

Hang on a minute. I DO have tools – a bunch of tools. Which is why I have managed to stupidly lock myself in the barn in the first place!

So, I open up the tool box, take out the biggest hammer I can find, pry out the nails, swing open the panel, climb up to the window, swing my legs out, and proceed to drop gracefully to the ground, which is about 7 feet below, managing to only scrape my arm and pull most of the muscles in my upper body in my fall from grace. I brush myself off, look around sheepishly to make sure that no one has seen me, go back around to the barn door, and open it to let my dogs out.

Dr. Christiane Northrup said this: “Our souls design many potent wake-up calls to get our attention back on track.” And on this New Years Day of new beginnings, I realize that everything I need to know about healing my thoughts and transforming my life I’ve learned by accidentally locking myself in the barn.

And at the heart of my wake-up call is a simple three-step process that anyone can use whenever we want to let go of limiting thoughts and beliefs so we can move from where we are to where we want to be:

Step 1. Examine.

Step 2. Envision.

Step 3. Emerge.

Step #1: Examine. You take stock of where you are now WITHOUT JUDGMENT.

What was the first thing I did when I realized I was locked in the barn (other than thinking about how stupid I was in the first place and then watching my life pass in front of me)?

I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Then I took stock: I examined what was IN the barn that I might be able to use to get OUT of the barn.

To know where you want to go and determine how to get there, you have to start with determining where you are right now. Your ability to be aware of your situation, your thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, feelings, and fears nonjudgmentally is a vital first step in getting from where you are now to where you want to be.

Step #2: Envision. You visualize all of your options and what the outcome might be for each option.

Once I took stock of my surroundings and my situation, what did I do next? I started to see that I did in fact have options, and I pictured the possible outcomes for each one: 

• I could do nothing – and wind up dead, or at the very least, deaf as a result of my dogs screeching in my ears (those of you who own German Shepherds know exactly what I’m talking about).
• I could scream – and wind up hoarse and probably still trapped in the barn.
• I could try to break down the doors – and possibly break one or more bones.
• I could try to break out through the roof – and possibly break both of my legs.
• I could pry the board off the window and climb out – possibly hurting myself in the fall.

All of these options were possible. Not all of them were in my best interest. But all of them were possible.

The author Anne Lamott said this: “If you start to look around, you will start to see.”

If you’re going to change your thoughts and transform your life, you need to give yourself permission to see. See your options. See the outcomes. See what’s holding you back, what might be keeping you in the barn. See the tools that are available to you. Envision the way out.

Step #3: Emerge. You take action towards whatever you decide is in your best and highest interest.

After I considered all of my options, I decided that my best course of action was to escape through the window. And what did I do to literally emerge from that barn?

• I found the tools I needed to pry off the board.
• I hoisted myself up onto the window ledge.
• I dropped down to the ground on the other side.

You have to take action to manifest new truths using your own inner guidance system that knows what’s best for you and can support you to be on purpose in your life. You want to transform the limiting thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you and let your limitless possibilities emerge.

The most influential part of a mindset are the beliefs you hold true. Myrko Thum

Limiting beliefs can seriously hold us back in life. But most of the time such beliefs are invisible to us; our eyes have not adjusted to the darkness. They control behaviors behind the scenes, enough to curtail our results in some area of life.

Limiting beliefs can block you from taking certain actions, even though the actions may be reasonable and intelligent choices. The first thing that crossed my mind when I was in the barn was to do nothing. I could have done nothing, in the hopes that eventually someone might realize that they hadn’t heard from me in a while, and then someone might have come out to investigate. But this non-action would not have been reasonable or intelligent.

Limiting beliefs stop you from achieving your full potential. Limiting beliefs serve as filters of your reality. when you get a limiting belief, your life loses its richness because you are not able to perceive it correctly.

You cannot ascend to your highest energetic levels until you release your limiting thoughts, beliefs, and life patterns that inadvertently create dis-ease and keep you from moving from where you are to where you want to be. Moving to a place of illumination, personal growth, and potential starts with gaining clarity, enabling more meaningful choices and consistent action. You need to examine your current thoughts, open up what I call “cracks in consciousness” to see your thoughts in a new way, and then to create new thoughts based on your own personal truth.

Dr. Michael Smith said this: “You are the one who finds your way out and you will.” It may take some time to uncover your limiting thoughts and beliefs, but it will be time well spent. The quality of your life depends on it. Spend some time now uncovering and eliminating them and you will improve your life experience to a great extent. Remember that you have an absolute freedom to choose the way you want to live and you can choose your own beliefs and ways to behave. And it is in this healing process that you will find the ability to transform your life!

Want to learn more about overcoming the No Way Out Syndrome? Read my latest book, “I’ve Been Down Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out: Curing The No Way Out Syndrome” available in time for the Summer Solstice on Amazon! A great summer read for the first day of summer! This book is for anyone who wants to embark on their own reinvention journey, using the inspiration, guidance, strategies, and personal transformation tips and tricks in this book. It’s your personal roadmap to seeing the way out of any hole you might be in, scaling those steep walls, and curing the No Way Out syndrome once and for all!

Anything Is Possible

If you truly want to change your life, you must first be willing to change your mind. Donald Altman, The Mindfulness Code ©2010

You know how some people seem to be better at handling change than others? Most of us know at least one person who has successfully made a major change in their lives, like quitting smoking, losing weight, or even walking away from their “Sure Thing” job. Then there are the rest of us – and maybe you count yourself among these people —who give up the minute it gets tough.

Whether it’s a change in your job, health, family, relationships, or life in general, transitions are an inevitable part of life. However, most people don’t like change. For many of us, change can be difficult or uncomfortable. This is true regardless of whether the change is forced upon us, planned, unexpected, or self-created. Why? Because we are giving up familiarity in exchange for the unfamiliar and unknown.

But the good news is that anyone can learn to deal more effectively with change, and face their fears, by doing one incredibly easy thing: choosing to change their perspective of change.

And here’s why I know this to be true.

From 2002 to 2012, I shared my life with the four-legged love of my life, a Czechoslovakian Shepherd named Kona. He meant everything to me. For 10 years, taking care of Kona gave my life meaning, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

Until, one day, I was forced to imagine the unimaginable.

Almost from the day of his birth, Kona had health challenges, all of which were serious but treatable. Then in 2006, Kona was diagnosed with a life-threatening medical condition. Life expectancy rates for dogs with Kona’s condition were bleak at best; one vet told me that the longest any of his patients lived after the diagnosis was a meager three weeks!

The prognosis was so poor, in fact, that my vet, knowing how I felt about Kona, tried to prepare me for what the tests indicated would probably be Kona’s imminent and sudden death. He walked me through the steps I needed to take in the coming weeks: everything from keeping him quiet, avoiding excitement, and even what to do if Kona had a heart attack while we were out walking or just playing outside, which was apparently how most of the dogs with this condition died.

To say I was devastated doesn’t come close to describing how I felt. And, needless to say, I barely heard a word that the vet was telling me.

I cried for two days. I was filled with fear whenever I even thought about Kona running up and down the basement stairs, let alone not having Kona in my life.

And then I decided to change how I would perceive this awful, unthinkable news: I realized I had a choice.

I could either choose to let it negatively impact every remaining moment I had with Kona – I could lock him in the house, never take him for a walk again, never let him chase birds or rabbits, never leave him alone for a single moment “just in case.” Or, I could choose to see this as a blessing and be grateful for every moment I was going to have with him. We could go on as we did before, chasing lots of rabbits (knowing he could never catch them, thank heavens!), taking long walks – aware of the possible consequences but living our lives to the fullest.

And we did, not just for three short weeks but, miraculously, for four glorious years!

Which is not to say that I didn’t have to come up with a plan for facing my fears and dealing with Kona’s condition realistically. I did have to figure out what to do if Kona had a heart attack while we were away from home. I did have to figure out who I was going to call if Kona became incapacitated, and I needed to get him in the car and to the emergency clinic quickly – not an easy thing to do by myself since he weighed over 100 pounds.

And I did have to think about the unthinkable: going on with my life without Kona in my life.

But once I changed my perspective of the situation, I was able to face the fear and come up with an action plan for moving forward no matter what might happen.

You Say Tomato, I Say Tomahto

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes. Charles Swindoll, Founder, Insight for Living

We all know that the three most important words in real estate are location, location, location. In learning to deal with change more effectively and without fear, the three most important words are attitude, attitude, attitude. You can change your perspective of an event as well as how you feel about having to respond to it.

Take, for example, writing your own obituary rather than leaving that for someone else. You can approach your end-of-life preparations with dread or thinking it’s morbid. Or, you can see it as an opportunity to sing your own praises, to get your house in order, or to just know that you can do something as painful as thinking about your own or someone else’s mortality without being crushed by the knowledge.

We have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable, the unexpected, or the unthinkable. But we CAN change how we approach and deal with anything that might throw us off course or keep us from living a life in our best and highest interests.

Change Your Thoughts? Change Your Life!

“We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.” Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

Within each of us is a soul-deep knowledge of our passions, our values, our desires, and our yearnings, all of which are waiting to be born. And yet, all too often, our current thoughts and beliefs limit our ability to imagine new horizons, to see our present circumstances or our future in new ways, and to give birth to our true selves.

But you CAN learn to release your limiting thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, and attitudes. The key is to give yourself permission to acknowledge your current thought patterns, belief systems, feelings, and fears; challenge your existing assumptions and attitudes that no longer serve you; and explore ways to transform your limiting thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities!

Giving yourself permission to see your thoughts in a new way and then to create new thoughts based on your own personal truths will empower you to identify, accept, and embrace change in all areas of your life – spiritual, physical, mental, emotional. And while you might not be able to change an unwanted hardship, you will be able to more readily accept and engage the difficulties of life.

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rethink, to consider other possibilities, we crack open a door to our Higher Selves – and our Higher Selves, recognizing that the door has been cracked open, wedge a crowbar in to make sure that we consider a different way ahead. You only need to be willing in order to move in a new direction!

Interested in learning more about Thought Healing? Check out my website at www.cracksinconsciousness.com to see how I use this powerful technique in helping others transform their lives!

And watch for the publication of my new book, “I’ve Been Down Here Before But This Time I Know The Way Out,” in early summer 2015 to read more incredible stories about people who changed their lives by merely changing their thinking! The book will be available on my Author page on Amazon at amazon.com/author/mcdowellgraham. Don’t miss it!

How It Works For Me (Metaphysically Speaking, That Is)

In addition to my life experiences, education, and professional background, which I use to guide my personal interpretations, I have a unique combination of metaphysical gifts that allows me to tap into the spiritual realm in order to receive and decipher information, inspirations, higher knowledge, or wisdom from a divine universal source. These gifts are essential to my practice and my ability to be of service to others. 

Claircognizance (aka “Clear Knowing” or Intuition)

I am often asked to describe how I receive the information I work with, and my reply always is, “I just know stuff.” Not a very sexy answer, metaphysically speaking, but true enough for me. 

In her book, “Divine Reason and Rhyme,” Sundae Merrick, a very gifted intuitive and, happily for me, trusted adviser, defines intuition like this: “The immediate knowing of something without the conscious use of reasoning. Intuition allows us to maintain a connection with Creation through observation, listening, or feeling to gain insight.” 

Everyone is born with intuition, although to differing degrees. I happen to be one of those people who is extremely gifted with the ability to access my intuition, which is fundamental to my ability to help others. However, it took me a long time to recognize this talent and, more importantly, to honor its value and to trust its guidance in my work. 

You see, having played on the paranormal fringes for many, many years, I mistakenly believed that, like unisex clothing, psychic abilities were “One Size Fits All,” and none of the clothing fit me.

I always wanted to have the “real,” flashy psychic abilities – you know, the Sylvia Browne-type ones that would me make rich and famous – but I didn't need to be psychic to see that I was shortchanged at birth. Imagine my surprise – and annoyance – when I discovered that I could NOT:

• See dead people. 
• Channel angelic beings. 
• Solve unsolved crimes with help from the Other Side. 
• Read minds (mine or anyone else’s). 
• See auras (mine or anyone else’s). 
• Talk to the dearly departed (mine or anyone else’s). 
• See the future (mine or anyone else’s – my finely honed intuition tells me that I’m sensing a pattern here). 

You know the old joke: “When they were handing out brains, he thought they said trains and since he wasn't interested in taking a ride, he didn't queue up, which explains why he’s such a dope” (or something like that; I’m paraphrasing).

Before I joined this earthly journey, did I, too, get in the wrong line? Well, I decided that it must have been something like that for me: I misread the “Line up here for psychic gifts” sign and ended up in the wrong (dopey) line. 

Fortunately, over time I came to realize that, also like unisex clothing, one size does NOT fit all, and that my abilities were different from everyone else’s – just like everyone else’s abilities are different from, well, everyone else’s. So, in time and with the help of my psychic mentors, I learned to recognize my gifts – and to roll with them. I might not being able to do all of the sexy psychic things that will make me rich and famous but I can do this: because of my intuitive gifts, I just get stuff. Which means, in a nutshell, that I simply know what needs to be said to someone.

Clairsentience (aka “Clear Sensing/Feeling”)

Now, while I was developing my intuitive abilities, I had no idea where the answers were coming from. In the beginning, I chocked it up to part intuition, part empathy, part life experiences and time on the planet (you stick around on earth long enough, you pick up a few tips and tricks along the way). Which is all true and very helpful. But with practice and guidance from other psychics – and learning to hear and to trust my own Inner Self – I discovered that I had an additional guidance system that I could consciously access: some rather friendly entities that I lovingly (okay, mostly sarcastically) refer to as The Collective. 

(On occasion, I've also referred to them as The Borg, since trying to resist them can at times be futile! (If you’re too young – gulp – to recognize this reference, look it up.)

So what are they?

Well, the best way I can describe them is a group of Spirit Guides in human, animal, and inanimate forms. Unlike entities that are channeled by psychics like Edgar Cayce in order to bring forth messages that have universal relevance, the Collective is specific to me and to the work I've chosen to do to be in service to others. 

So how do I work with them? 

I can sense their presence, particularly in meditation although it’s not necessary for me to sit in a Lotus position to work with them (besides, I can’t even get into the Lotus position anymore so thank heavens that’s not a prerequisite!). They are present only on my left side, meaning that I am aware of them as if they are sitting next to me on the left but at right angles to me and facing me.

Clairaudience (aka “Clear Hearing”) 

So, how do I hear them?

Most of the time, their voices are a persistent buzzing; however, if I do need to get their guidance directly, it’s easier for me to be in the meditative state to hear them. Sometimes they whisper, sometimes they are loud, but mostly they enjoy laughing at me. It’s true – they think I can be pretty dopey sometimes, and they don’t mind telling me so.

The information they provide to me is in the form of thoughts, again always on the left side of my mind (not to be confused with the “left brain”). Sometimes I ask a question, other times I just sit and clear my mind, and the response comes. And over the years, and with a lot of practice, I've come to recognize the truth of the information. I've learned how to differentiate between their words, which is Truth, from my own words, which arise from my ego and are therefore Not Truth.

In meditation, my communication with the Collective is “back and forth,” much like having a conversation with someone. I’ll ask a question or simply ask for guidance, and they will answer. However, when I’m working with clients or teaching a workshop or assisting the members of my Metaphysical Practitioners Circle, my partnership with the Collective is more like a psychic conduit than back and forth. (Psychic conduit means you pick up on information/energy and it flows through you effortlessly.) I listen to others and then I simply know and can speak the Collective’s Truth as it pertains to each person’s particular situation.

Psychic Empathy

According to Dr. Michael Smith, one of the foremost authorities on empathic abilities, “everything has an energetic vibration or frequency, and an empath is able to sense these vibrations and recognize even the subtlest changes undetectable to the naked eye or the five senses.” Another important aspect of psychic empathy is what D.M. Berger calls “the capacity to know emotionally what another is experiencing from within the frame of reference of that other person.”

I believe that we must understand how the other person sees their world and what meaning they attribute to things in order to effectively communicate and connect with them. We all interact with the world from a unique perspective - our own. This interaction is built up of all our past and potential future experiences and dictates how we approach situations. To be able to interact with each other, we need to have some understanding of how the other person perceives their world.

My gift lies in my ability to psychically participate fully in someone else’s reality.

I have what Jamie Sams defines as “compassion for the paths that others must walk.” I instinctively form a bond made up purely of feelings and impressions with another person, place, or thing. I can easily put myself in another’s shoes, to experience that person’s experience, beliefs, and desires with compassion and intuitive understanding.

Because I have easy access to information about what is going on with someone, I know emotionally and nonjudgmentally what they are experiencing from within their particular “frame of reference.” When I talk with someone, I instinctively know what needs to be said. I relate to others by sensing their true feelings that run deeper than those portrayed on the surface. I begin by mentally sifting through my past experiences that relate to the other person’s current reality. In addition, I am extremely sensitive to my surroundings. Because empathy is not held by time or space, I have a special ability to resonate with plants, inanimate objects, and nature.

The psychic form of empathy should not be confused with the basic human emotion of empathy - most people can feel empathy for another person without necessarily being a psychic empath. The main difference, however, is that psychic empaths typically pick up non-visual, non-verbal cues that another individual is feeling pain, fear, or joy. Sometimes this is a matter of detecting energy fields or auras. Other times (which applies to me), it is a case of “knowing” that the person is feeling a certain way, despite no obvious clues to that effect.

And this is how it works for me.

You Are Here

“If you want to change your life’s direction, you need to direct your intention, which means first being honest about the thoughts, rationalizations, intentions, and attitudes you already have.” Robert Altman, The Mindfulness Code

You hear about a shoe store opening up at your local mall, and you decide that you simply must have a new pair of fabulous red shoes. Off you go to the mall but you have no idea where the shoe store is in the mall. So you start with the Mall Directory. Looking at the map, what are the two things you need to know to get you on your way to that new pair of fabulous red shoes?

1.   Where you are now.

2.   Where you want to be.

So the first thing you do is find the bold YOU ARE HERE marker on the map. Why begin at this point?

Because you need to know where you are now in order to figure out how to get to where you want to be.

Now, take a closer look at that YOU ARE HERE marker. What it doesn’t say is as important as what it does say. It doesn’t say, “You are here. . . .but you have no business buying yet another pair of fabulous red shoes.” It doesn’t say, “You are here . . . .but once you get to the store, there probably won’t be any fabulous red shoes in your size so why bother?” It’s an objective statement of fact. It’s simply an indicator of your present circumstance, that is, where you are in the mall at this very moment. No more, no less. YOU ARE HERE – it is what it is.

You’re probably thinking, so what? Of course it doesn’t say that, McDowell, it’s just a sign.

But now let’s look at how this might apply to how we think about ourselves outside the mall.

When you think about where you are right now, how often do you attach some type of subjective, usually negative, judgment to your current situation? Maybe you’ve lost your job in this crumbling economy and haven’t been able to find another one no matter how many resumes you’ve sent out or job fairs you’ve attended. When someone asks you how your job hunt is going so far, do you reply, “I haven’t found anything yet,” and just leave it at that? Or do you say, “I haven’t found anything yet . . . and I’m sure it’s because I’m not qualified, there simply isn’t anything out there, no one is hiring, I can’t afford to take such a huge pay cut.” Do you make the objective statement – “no job yet” – only to follow it up with the subjective judgment – “and at this rate, I probably won’t find a job” – which, of course, makes you feel even more depressed and desperate and (if you’re like me) worthless than you already do? And then, to make matters worse, you allow the subjective judgment to determine your next steps, and so now you stop applying for certain jobs because you “just know” that you aren’t going to get hired anyway.

I am, for the most part, a “cup half full” person. But if I had a nickel for every time I added a subjective judgment onto an objective statement about my present circumstances, I’d be living in a sumptuous beachfront house in Hawaii wearing simply fabulous red slippahs (okay, I can hear my spiritual mentors whispering, “McDowell, it isn’t the money that’s keeping you from living in Hawaii, it’s your intention,” even as I write this, but that’s another topic for another blog!). Unless I am “thought-diligent,” unless I am mindful of what I’m thinking about when I think about my life, it’s very easy for me to negatively judge my present circumstances – and, as a result, chart a course of action that will not help me realize my goals – instead of making peace with my present circumstances in order to move forward with positive intentions.

Over the last few years, there has been an explosion of information about how we can use the power of our thoughts to improve our health, attain wealth, attract love, live longer and better. These are truly powerful messages that can – literally – transform our lives.

But I think there is a necessary first step that we must take before we can fully realize the changes that we want to make in our lives by harnessing this power: To know where we want to go and figure out how to get there, we must begin with identifying where we are right now. Knowing where we are helps us identify WHAT needs to be changed and the reasons WHY we want to move away from our present circumstances towards a new life. As an empath, my work is about getting people to have the courage and energy to look at and accept themselves – their wants, feelings, needs, desires, darkest thoughts – in order to move from their current state to a desired future state.

None of us is immune from subjectivity, ignorance, or denial. But it has been my experience that if we can understand our situation from an objective, nonjudgmental standpoint, we have a better chance at finding ways of responding positively to our present circumstances. We must begin by doing what Altman describes as “cultivating a neutral and nonjudgmental awareness, which allows us to witness and observe events without attaching to them. Our subjective emotion needs to be developed into objectivity in order to determine both the need for change and our ability to change.

Perhaps we cannot remove all the ups and downs of life. However, we have it in our power to alter how we perceive our lives, how we interpret YOU ARE HERE, in order to change our perception of the experience of our lives – which ultimately influences our decisions and our actions. This is in no way to imply that your present circumstances might not be daunting, painful, or even life-threatening. Rather, identifying what our lives consist of now, and making peace with our present circumstances, means that we are more readily able to accept and engage the difficulties of life. Once we objectively acknowledge our present circumstances, we can determine where we need to be, and then begin to chart a course of action for getting there.

“If you truly want to change your life, you must first be willing to change your mind.” The Mindfulness Code, Donald Altman

KISS and Tell

So I’m talking to one of the members of my Practitioners Circle when the discussion moved to working with animal totems. She is fairly new to the craft, having just begun to explore where her metaphysical abilities and interests might lie. And, as with all of us just starting out, she’s been using the internet to “enhance” her exploration. Not surprisingly, she’s quickly become overwhelmed with the staggering volume of information – books, webinars, classes, seminars, newsletters, workshops, blogs – that is available to her, all of which is fascinating and compelling but also – well – overwhelming.

Not so many years ago, it was not so – it was very hard to gather information from other metaphysical professionals. We wandered through bookstores looking for the “New Age” section, we culled the library card catalogs for topics like “ESP”  or “Casey, Edgar.” Now, a cell phone and access to the internet puts EVERYTHING right at our fingertips.

Which brings us to that sense of being overwhelmed.

In an article titled, “Overcoming Information Overload,” Margarita Tartakovsky describes it this way: “Information is merely a click — or, more accurately, a Google search — away. Depending on your query, there’s likely at least a dozen, if not hundreds, of blogs on the topic, a similar number of books and many more articles. One bit of information leads to five facts, which leads to three articles, which leads to an interesting interview you must listen to right now, which leads to 10 pages in your browser. Every clue leads to another. Every clue uncovered is a prize in itself: learning something new and interesting and getting one step closer to the carrot (such as the answer to your original question). This is a good thing, but it also can overburden our brains.”

Okay, so we have overburdened brains. So what?

According to Lucy Jo Palladino, Ph.D, a psychologist and author of Find Your Focus Zone: An Effective New Plan to Defeat Distraction and Overload, “Information overload occurs when a person is exposed to more information than the brain can process at one time.” Information or cognitive overload can lead to indecisiveness, bad decisions and stress, Palladino said. Indecisiveness or analysis paralysis occurs when you’re “overwhelmed by too many choices, your brain mildly freezes and by default, [and] you passively wait and see.” Or you make a hasty decision because vital facts get wedged between trivial ones, and you consider credible and non-credible sources equally, she said.

So, back to the discussion with my friend. With just a hint of despair in her voice, she remarked, “If I come across just one more class that I need to sign up for or one more book I’m supposed to read, I’m going to cry. Just the other day, I was watching a webinar that mentioned working with animal totems, and there was a link to a workshop that will show you how to recognize and work with your totems. Great, I thought, another class that takes time and that I can’t afford so I guess I’ll just have to wait on figuring out how to identify my animal totems until I can take the class. I want to make sure that I’m doing it right.”

Hang on – did you just say, “doing it right?”

Now flash back to just two days before this discussion. This same Circle member, who is also a co-worker, asked if I could come to her cubicle. When I get there, she whispers with just a hint of okay-this-is-really-icky in her voice, “There’s a bug in my cubicle,” and she points to a rather large insect that looks like some kind of beetle. Now, keep in mind that we work in a typical office environment – no open windows, no doors to the outside, few live plants – so the chances of even so much as a fly getting in are remote, let alone a some kind of big, icky beetle.

Then in equally hushed tones, she says, “You know what’s weird about this?” (As if seeing a beetle in her cubicle isn’t weird enough). “I saw this very same bug while I was getting my therapeutic massage a couple of days ago. It was inside the room with us. Do you think it could be a message?”

So now fast forward to this chat with my co-worker, who is honestly concerned about not having the time or the money to take a workshop on how to identify her own animal totems, and therefore, won’t be able to work with them.

So I asked her, “Remember the beetle in your cubicle? Why do you think you need to sign up for a class when it’s obvious that this beetle bug – icky or not – has made itself known to you already?” She looked puzzled.

Then I said, “Okay, so let’s look at this another way. Is there an animal that just resonates with you, that whenever you see it, you get a warm, fuzzy feeling?”

Without hesitating, she replied, “Oh yeah, when I was little, I had posters of lions all over my room. And whenever I go to the zoo, the first place I want to visit is the lion exhibit. And, I’ve always wanted to go to Africa to actually see lions. Plus, one of my favorite movies is” – wait for it, I think to myself – “The Lion King.”

“Then,” I said (trying hard not to have the merest hint of “are you joking” come into my voice), “Is it possible – just maybe –that Lion might be your animal totem? And that the beetle is here as your own personal messenger?

She looked a little sheepish at this point, and then she replied, “I didn’t think it would be that simple.”

Of course it can. And it should be that simple. It’s supposed to be that simple.

This experience with my co-worker comes up all the time for me, and one that we, as Practitioners, need to consider carefully when working with others. Metaphysical professionals see this all the time – an assumption on the part of the student that the way to enlightenment requires not only exploring all of the tools but using them all as well in order to ensure they do it the “right” way.

But if we believe that enlightenment cannot be achieved without using all of the tools available, and, moreover, classes and workshops are the only means by which we learn to use these tools, then the tools become a trap. Which for most of us means that instead of trusting ourselves to know what is in our best and highest interest, we “passively wait and see.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for asking for guidance when I need guidance. I sign up for classes, buy books, meet with my psychic mentor regularly. There are times when we need help from someone else who is further along the path, who has experience and wisdom and knowledge and tools that we need so that we may improve our own abilities in order to better assist, heal, and guide others.

But, for me, a critical component of practicing my craft is helping others recognize their OWN abilities, to trust their intuition, to carve out for themselves the path through the wilderness that is our time here on Earth.

You know the saying, KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid. I use the KISS concept in my practice as well – but I define it as Keep It Simple, Spiritually. My practice is aimed at helping my clients empower themselves, giving them the tools they need to find their own way. And sometimes it’s as simple as helping them see what is obvious – not just to me as the Practitioner, but to them as well.

Here’s why I know this to be true.

When I first started exploring my own abilities, I, too, came across the concept of working with animal totems. And I, too, despaired of trying to figure this out in the “right” way. I thought, “Okay, I guess I’m supposed to meditate “really hard” until my animal totem reveals itself. Or maybe there’s a book I might be able to find that explains how I’m “supposed” to do this.” So I meditated “really hard” – come on, animal totem, where are you, ohm, ohm, ohm – and I saw lots of different animals but only because I wanted to and only because I thought it would be dandy if some really “cool” animal appeared to me, like Eagle (majestic) or Wolf (free-spirited and mystical) or even Lion. But I instinctively – dare I say, intuitively – knew that I was trying too hard, that I was mostly just making this up.

Then one day when I was cleaning my house, I found myself in my Rabbit Room.

That’s right, you heard me -- my Rabbit Room.

I have a bedroom decorated with all of my rabbit memorabilia and artwork. And I have all of this rabbit memorabilia and artwork because for as long as I can remember, I have been completely mesmerized by all things bunny. If I went to a County Fair or petting zoo, I always made a beeline for the rabbit cages. If I saw a rabbit in the front yard, I would stop and watch it (still do, in fact). Over the years, I’ve collected rabbit statues, rabbit jewelry, and even rabbit cutlery, and people have given me paintings of rabbits. And, as part of my character that I play in historical reenactments, my symbol has always been the rabbit. I even travel with a stuffed bunny in my suitcase, who goes everywhere with me and has his own section on my Facebook page where he chronicles his travel adventures.

So standing in the middle of this room, it finally dawned on me – gee, could my animal totem actually be Rabbit? And even more importantly, could it actually be that simple?

In his now-classic book, “What Color is Your Parachute,” Richard Nelson Bolles makes this observation: “Your heart knows the places that it loves. Your mind knows the subjects that it loves. Your body knows the workout that it loves. Your soul knows the values that it loves. Therefore, my friend, what a “dream job” is all about (beyond skills) is identifying these favorite geographies, defining for yourself the places that your skills, your soul, and your body, heart, and mind, most often yearn to be.”

My work as a metaphysical practitioner is about helping people find the courage to listen to the truest part of themselves-- their “favorite geographies” – in order to discover what speaks to the deepest part of their nature and to move forward from where they are to where they want to be.

In her book, This Time I Dance, Tama Kieves relates a dream she had: “You were meant to write books,” sighed the angel in the fantasy, running the movie. She bowed her head, as her feathers shuddered with my cosmic shock and loss. . . The angel in the after-death fantasy was the ghost that plagued my days. I did know. I did know. I did know.”

Surely, the most credible vital facts are what we know at the soul level about ourselves. And I think we all know our truths, our own credible vital facts.

A student once asked his teacher, "Master, what is enlightenment?" The master replied, "When hungry, eat. When tired, sleep." (Pierre Teilhard De Chardin).

Let me add one more to the list: When seeking your truth, try looking in your Rabbit Room.