Out of Control, Out of Mind

This week's #ThoughtHealing inspiration comes from a post by Dr. Amy Johnson who described far better than I ever could how important it is to learn to let go. Please check out this insightful #MondayMotivation post: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

I’m a black-or-white, everything-tied-up-in-a-neat-bow-that-I-tied kinda gal. The outside-of-my-control gray area is the quintessential definition of a bad neighborhood for me: don’t go in alone and never go in after dark.

Margaret Roach, in "And I Shall Have Some Peace There," described this state of mind best when she said, “Out of control sent me out of my mind.” I am without a doubt out of my mind right now, wandering alone in the dark, bad neighborhood of the gray area.

In the last three weeks, my sister unexpectedly passed away, I started a new job and have yet been able to log into my new company’s website (somedays I hate, loathe, and abominate technology), and the mother of the puppies that I have had a deposit on for months finally got pregnant only to miscarry the entire litter 30 days into the pregnancy.

And while I know that none of these events are within my control, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

One thing that Dr. Johnson said that I disagree slightly with is this: "Sometimes it’s as easy as noticing that you’re in control mode and choosing to let go—consciously and deliberately shifting into surrender energy."

Control freaks like me are typically ALWAYS in control mode, so recognizing something that is simply the way we operate on a daily basis isn’t what I would blithely describe as “easy.”

And it’s not really that I’m afraid of surrendering. Twenty-eight years ago, when I finally realized that I had a drinking problem, I surrendered my need to control everything around me out of fear and turned my losing battle against alcohol over to a Higher Power. Still sober after all these years.

But I have other fears: fear of looking stupid, fear of not being perfect at my new job, fear of not being able to replenish my meager savings account no matter how hard I try to economize. Fear of learning to live without my sister in my life. Fear of letting go and, this time, of not finding my way out of the dark neighborhood by myself.

But Dr. Johnson also said this, which I vehemently agree with: “Find out whose business you’re in. Your business is the realm of things that you can directly influence. Are you there? Or are you in someone else’s business? When we’re trying to control things outside of our own business, it’s not going to go well.”

Now you’re in my wheelhouse.

My professional background is in Business Process Re-engineering and Organizational Change Management. I have over 20 years’ experience in helping companies fundamentally rethink how they do their work in order to identify and eliminate non-value-add activities. An approach that I use most often is the concept of “sphere of control versus sphere of influence.” This concept posits that the things we're worried about or that we complain about fall into three domains: things we have control over, things we can influence, and things that are outside of our control and influence. Companies that exhibit the most process inefficiencies typically are the ones that spend far too much time mucking around in the dark neighborhoods over which they have little or no control.

So how might I apply what I’ve learned in my professional life to my seemingly adrift out-of-control personal life right now?

Well, it wasn’t easy, but I finally realized that I have no control over the fact that my sister passed away, that my new company still hasn’t sent me the token I need to log on, and the puppy that I had already named won’t be coming home at Christmas after all.

Instead, I can choose be grateful for the time I did have with my sister. I can choose to continue to email the company about the missing token (all the while letting them know that I am ready to log in the moment they resolve these issues at THEIR end). And I can choose to either get my deposit back or transfer my deposit to another upcoming litter from the same breeder (which I did).

The bottom line is this: we have a finite amount of energy. The key is to use our energy where it counts. The more we focus on what's in our control, the more effective we'll feel. The happier we'll be.

Ernie Zelinksi said, “Practically everything in your life is a matter of choice.”

My sister and I used to laugh about the fact that, given the choice, we tended to choose the hard way over the easy way, to overthink everything.

My choice now is to try to live within my sphere of control and to learn to let go of the rest.

You, too, have a choice every day regarding how you approach your day. You cannot change the inevitable, the unexpected, or the unthinkable. But you CAN change how you approach and deal with anything that might throw you off course.

Think about it!

Want to know more about transforming limited thoughts and beliefs into limitless possibilities? Check out my Examine–Envision–Emerge Personal Transformation Book Series. Each book explores a particular aspect of thought healing. Find yours online at your favorite retailer today!